my girlfriend is married
Ok, so she’s not…Not yet…But she is engaged…Kinda…And not to me.
The military is the only job I know of that will pay you more for being married, so the Baby will be getting married this weekend.
Her salary will almost double. She will get a food allowance, a housing allowance, a buch of other allowances that I”ve managed to forget…
She calls herself an opportunist. She says that she’s doing it for us. That I will live rent free.
While all of that sounds wonderful (at least on paper), there is something about this that bothers me.
It makes me sad that we couldn’t get married and reap the same benefits. If I were to have our kids, they wouldn’t be covered under her insurance. She would have to have them to gain the benefits.
I guess I shouldn’t expect any different from a country that is till saying, “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
The Baby often tells me about how her sexuality isn’t a big deal where she is. She’s told me stories about how some of the officers have given speeches designed to give them comfort, to show them support. While I applaud the efforts of the officers, I wonder if it gives her a false sense of security.
Our government makes sure the FBI, the CIA, the DEA, and the NSA (I’m sure I’m leaving some letters out) won’t discriminate and at the same time prohibits gays from openly serving in the military.
I feel like I’m constantly being reminded that this country is not as progressive as it thinks it is. Almost 30 countries allow straight and gay soldiers to serve side by side. American soldiers serve side by side with foreign armies. How many times have they counted on a gay soldier of another army to have their back without even knowing?
Anyway, I rambling…Forgive me
10/20/08 Update: She didn’t make it to the courthouse yet!
wow … that’s v heavy stuff … what’s the agreement with whoever she’s marrying?
big hugs…
Oh sweetheart, you’re not rambling. You have every right to rant about this. I mean hell… even Disney gives their gay employees the same rights as anyone else.
You should be mad as hell.
Who is she marrying? And does he know its only on paper?
Hang in there.
She is marrying someone else in her training class… He knows it’s only paper as she is as “out” as she possibly can be considering the circumstances.
He’s looking for the benefits because he already has a kid. I believe in order for him to get allowances for the kid- housing, etc- he has to be married. They won’t get the allowances for being a single parent. I’m no expert though, so don’t trust this as fact.
Wow!! I’m speechless… very unfare !
wow…ABG…I often joked that my girlfriend and I would marry guys and remain lovers, etc. I don’t know if I could be as understanding–more benefits or not.
Hey Tamara! It’s hard not to be understanding when you have someone constantly saying how they are doing this for “us.” I can’t say that I’m not still struggling with this, but I’m not sure I have the right to tell her not to do it considering the newness of our relationship.
Given my feelings about the military, and what a bunch of shit this all is, I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut for a change.
But might I say GRRRR! ?
I understand…if actually in the situation, I would probably do the same thing too! I know I would.
I’m not loving the military either, but I’ve got too many people I love in not to support them…
And trust me, GRRRRR! was definitely my first reaction! I just had to sit back and re-evaulate my position in this situation.
Girl. Stay strong.
I can’t even tell you how I would react if my girlfriend got married to someone that wasn’t me! I gotta take some deep breaths just to write this comment!
You are in quite a precarious position right now. And it sucks that there is so much lying in this triangle that you guys have going right now. Why doesn’t the military support domestic partners? Its stupid.
I believe it’ll be a long time before the military gives out domestic partner benefits. They don’t really want gay people in the military at all now and you know the marriage issue has been left to the individual states…Seeing that the military is a federal thing, it may never happen.
Does she have an exit strategy? This thing could get sticky. I work with the military and…well…this is nothing to take lightly.
Do realize that if he gets upset and wants to do something mean he could say that his “wife” is having a lesbian relationship and have her be brought before her Commanding Officer. While some may be accepting, it is still a dont ask, dont tell military.
And while you can live with her rent free, if they decide to deploy her some where else (oversea’s for example) are you willing to pick up and move with her? You will not receive any benefits or assistance from the military to do so, because she isn’t married to you.
I wish you all the best, but do tread carefully dear…
xoxo
Tami
Hey Tami! I’ve thought about all of that. Voiced all of my concerns to her but ultimately it’s still her decision. Besides, she was supposed to do it this past Saturday and it still hasn’t happened. She hasn’t even mentioned it recently, so maybe she’s changed her mind?
I hear you. Keep us posted on the outcome. You would think it would be a hard thing to do for the “the powers that be” to let people marry who they love…
We can participate and start morally perverse wars, but yet deny upright citizens the right to marry who they love. What’s wrong with this picture?
Just my two cents…
I will definitely keep you updated. And everything is wrong with this picture, but obviously they don’t really care about what we want like that…
How I love your ramblings, Alix! You just help yourself! And I definitely agree with the sentiment expressed in this entry.
Prayerfully, one day soon, Somebody’s Baby won’t have to contemplate such a deal to cherish her baby!
IS she married now? Wow! Isn’t that a next chapter!
Hope you continued to read about my adventures with this child…