sweet is the pleasure after pain

The Baby is done with her field manuevers. She says that Friday will be her last day to actually receive any training, so she tried to speed up my trip by getting me to come up this weekend and next weekend. I told her it didn’t make sense (or cents) to spend that kind of money on a last minute trip when our planned visit is only a week away.

She’s getting married this weekend. She heard the tone in my voice change when she told me. I voiced all of my concerns including the new ones that have come up since I blogged about it. I told her I wasn’t happy about it. It hurt her feelings because she says she’s doing it for me. I told her I didn’t want her doing it for me. Especially when she’ll be the one benefitting. She didn’t appreciate me saying that to her. She said that I was the one that would get the most out of it. I told her that she could drop me tomorrow. Then she said, “I don’t understand why you don’t know my world revolves around you.” My heart stopped. The phone got completely quiet. She thought we’d been disconnected. What do you say when someone says that to you?

We continued to text our opposing views. It was important for me to let her know that while I wasn’t happy about her doing it, I would support her. I can’t see myself telling her not to do this when she would gain so much from it. She and I are not promised and I don’t want her to miss out on the opportunity because of me.

She confessed to me that she had been molested by one of her stepfathers. Her mom has been married 4 times and I believe that it was stepfather #3 did something to her. The way she said it initially was as if she was testing the words to see how they sounded outloud. She went into this whole series of statements blaming herself for having allowed it to happen. It’s so sad that I’ve heard this from so many women I’ve been intimately involved with that it’s almost expected. I knew that something had happened to her before she told me, just based on her behavior. I’ve seen it so often I can see it coming. That’s sooo sad that I can recognize it like that…

In better news, her orders have been given to her seargeant. I’m not sure when they will share them with her, but hopefully soon. At least that means she won’t be stuck in limbo. And therefore I won’t be stuck in limbo. There is a part of me that hopes she gets station in another state, so we can start somewhere fresh together. While I have my extended family here, I can’t help but to think it would be easier to begin a life with her in a city where no one knows my name…