2007: Jealousy is love and hate at the same time
Catch up: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five Part Six will be posted on Monday morning.
HBB and I were together. We were in that honeymoon phase where all of our friends were upset about not seeing us and we didn’t care. We took a night off from each other. She spent her night with the person that had been protesting the most. Her friend, Zy. I don’t remember who I was with that night, but it’s not important.
The next day, I get a message on downelink from this girl. After sending a couple of messages, she asks to switch to her myspace. The girl struck me as weird almost immediately. She was too eager. Too friendly. Too flirtatious. Was HBB setting me up?
Eventually, we exchanged yahoo IM’s. I was still suspicious. I called my friends and told them something was weird about her. I didn’t know what though. She told me about her moving into this condo, about this furniture she was buying, all of this random stuff. After about two weeks, I asked her for her number. She gave it to me.
I go online and do a reverse number search. It came up under a furniture store. I called and it was disconnected. I laughed. Someone was definitely playing games.
Within an hour of the girl giving me her number, HBB hit me up on IM, asking about this hypothetical situation her friend was in with her girlfriend. Her hypothetical situation sounded just like ours, so I wondered what she was up to.
Later that evening, HBB came by to talk. I knew what was coming, but I didn’t know how it was going to go down. She stood above me while I sat on my bed and shook her finger at me while she told me how sneaky I was and how she thought we had something good. I looked at her in disbelief. Are you serious? I didn’t DO anything! I didn’t feel the need to defend myself beyond that. I was amazed at the audacity she had to to come and accuse me of something.
We didn’t speak at all on Saturday. Sunday rolled around and she wanted me to come to her place. I went over and it was awkward. I didn’t know if she wanted me to stay, so I packed a bag, but left it in my car. I had to make a special trip back to my car just to get it. I really wanted to just drive back home and sleep in my own bed minus all of the uneasiness.
We slept on opposite sides of the same bed that night. If there had been a fire lit between us, we would have never gotten burned. I left for work the following morning feeling drained and frustrated. I wanted the big pink polka dotted elephant to go away. As soon as I got situated at my desk, my desk phone rang. It was HBB.
We started talking about this entire situation. I told her how it all came about, how I never mentioned it because I wanted to see how far she would take it. I sent her the link to the pages. She realized then that it was her friend, Zy. She didn’t want to believe it. She questioned her motives. She told me then how Zy had asked so many questions about me. She realized then that it went beyond curiosity. Zy was trying to figure out why she had chosen me, instead of her. HBB then remembered how Zy asked her why I had cut off my locs, which was something she never told her. That was proof that she had been camped out on my page.
I deleted my myspace and my downelink after that. I didn’t need the drama. HBB went on a cycle of emotions from anger to disappointment, finally landing on fear. She didn’t cut this friend off. She avoided her in an attempt to phase her out. Friends didn’t go to such extreme lengths to get attention. I wondered how HBB had contributed to this situation.
this is all really strange. see thats why i dont talk to anyone from online, its just too creepy for me. like folks will send you messages talking about they want to get to know me better? really? you just saw my myspace page and now this sudden interest? please
i can see why HBB would be upset while you didn’t do anything one can only wonder what the intent was and would could have happened in my opinion.
Zy didnt seem like she had much of a life…
Chatting it up with people on the internet was a regular thing for both of us. It’s not like I was doing something she didn’t know about or wasn’t doing herself. I didn’t flirt with the girl, try to make plans with her, send her pictures…None of the things people do when they are trying to hook up with people on line. I had conversations with her, much like the conversations I have with my readers that have chosen to contact me outside of this blog…Actually, kinda like how we go back and forth twittering… That’s not innocent?
Alix,
Off-topic: I went to N.Y. for a few days and after returning read your blog and I was so confused! (lol) I was like, what happened to the move? Then I went back and read the posts I missed while I was away! I know I’m a little late but I’m sorry things didn’t work out. But I’m glad you’ve moved on rather than try to stick with a bad situation. I’ve been so guilty of doing that in the past and it has always ended in disaster.
So you’ve set a good example for slow people like me who are just learning the art of moving on.
Monie, it took me a long time to learn that lesson…You’ll learn it too when you’re tired of being unhappy when you have the power to change it.
here’s my thought process…if my girl did that i would be upset. I am not saying that you had an intentions of doing anything which you clearly didn’t.
if i found it out my girl had been chatting it up w/ some chick and IM’ing and then asked for her phone number, my neatly arched eyebrow would raise. that’s just me. some people wouldnt give 2cents about it, but for me it doesn’t fly. for me, i don’t wouldn’t know if the conversations were harmless or flirty. i guess there is just too much unknown there for me to be comfortable.
for example, we go back and forth twittering because its fun, not because of any hidden motives. but if my gf saw that she may be like okay, who is this girl and why and you constantly twittering with her (she wouldn’t, but for an example i am using her) and i know its nothing, but she may or may not be comfortable with that
i probably should blog one of these days about my big blow up with my gf over this myspace hussy…hmmm…maybe i will do that today.
but anyways, I am not saying that feeling that way is right or wrong, but how one perceives something and the actual reality of something can sometimes be two different things…
does that make sense?
I get what you’re saying. You would’ve been mad because of how you do things in your relationship, but in ours, this was normal. We would be out and run into a chick that we both chat with and didn’t know the other person even knew this person existed. Usually it would’ve been her to get someone’s phone number because she’s much more friendly than me. Her pattern was to chat for a couple of days, get a phone number and hang out with them by the end of the week. She didn’t believe in having online friendships without hanging out in person, so to the average non-internet person, her behavior was always more suspect than mine. She applied a double standard…This happened over the course of about 3 weeks and I think we chatted about 4 times…
Where does trust come into play?
oh okay…yeah well then she shouldn’t have been upset in that case. that is a serious double standard i think.
did she know about Jersey? meaning did she know she was bascially #2…maybe that could have shaken her confidence some…
Nooo, she didn’t know about Jersey at all. She had the same player-like tendencies I did, so we had a lot of the same situations going on, lol…Besides, Jersey had been out of my life for at least a month at this point…
ooohhhhh so now you admit you’re a player
LOL LOL
I’m not a player, I just have player tendencies, lol…
right, right…okay. LOL
I know I wouldn’t have been mad, but if you and HBB were exclusive, what was the reason for both of you to be still chatting it up with people online? I don’t quite get that part.. sounds like having cake and eating it too..idk
We can’t be the only people in the world that actually make friends online! Seriously, my last 2 roomies I met online and I don’t mean a myspace ad. I connected with them online first, so when they needed a place to stay, I offered my home to them. And I met my second mama, the Mermaid, online too.
The internet isn’t just for hook ups!
Zy is a trip. I can’t stand sneaky ppl like that. She is definitely not a real friend. I understand she was a bit jealous but, she lightweight has psychotic tendacies. If I was HBB I would have let her ass have it. As far as you chatting with her its one thing to have convos online and keep in touch with ppl but, I think getting her number was crossing the line. There raises the question of ur intent. But also I think u got it out of curiousity because u knew something was fishy.
Hmmmm now that I’m thinking everybody that you chat with online and possibly exchange numbers with doesn’t necessarily have to be someone that you like or are attracted to. I have a few ppl that I met online like way back during high school and we’ve met hang out etc. And its just that. Nothing more.
Thank you, Glennisha! These days I think it’s fairly normal for people to connect online, for friendship or romance. And you’re right. I only got her number to see how far she was actually going to take it. I left out how she still contacted me after everything blew up. She was fishing to see if she had accomplished her goal.
HBB is foul. I don’t like her using the friend to try to trap you. I’m with Tami. If my gf was chatting away with someone I knew about. it’s cool. But to talk to someone new and random, hell to the naw. Trust does come into play, but I ain’t no fool.
LOL. i just read the whole series. this is rich. wow. well that jersey character is too much. she definitely doesn’t live in reality. as for HBB i think somethin is goin on between her n Zy. that would make sense. the whole online thing is too bad. some people just ruin things. ya know?
@deepdiva- Girl, if you think she’s foul now, keep reading…
@erica- She had really close friendships with a lot of her friends. They were all borderline inappropriate…