Loving You
“Love yourself, for if you don’t, how can you expect anybody else to love you?”
“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
“You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”
“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.”
I look back on the past 3 relationships I’ve been in. Before I was with HBB, I was happily dating, having random sex. All of this made me feel loved, wanted, desired. I was in some serious love with myself.
I would step out of the house always ready to meet that next chick. I had clever conversation, a quick smile, and a sashay that could capture the attention of whomever I wanted to capture.
When things went wrong with HBB (the first time), I realized that being with her made me feel bad about myself. We were so different and different wasn’t good. I felt ashamed about so many things about myself. Things I was powerless to change.
Feeling this way didn’t stop us from getting back together, and soon the only time I felt good about myself was when I wasn’t with her. My friends often heard me say, “I don’t like her…” or would hear the disgust in my voice at spending time with her. I got to a point where I didn’t care and I stopped trying. The break up was a release.
I ended up involved with The Baby shortly after that. Another disaster considering the shit she put me through. It was easy to recognize our incompatibility after spending a few days together. However, her words still haunt me. A bold bitch she is…
Then with SH, I can’t help but to think that she found me lacking in some kind of way. I’ve written before about not being her type. I was concerned.
I’ve dated a bunch of girls that claimed I wasn’t their type, but they always found themselves attracted to me anyway. I was this experiment. They were trying something new. That was fine by me, I was never as concerned about them as I was with SH.
After living through all of them, I realize that each of those relationships suffered because I didn’t know my own self worth. I think it’s easy for us to forget what we bring to the table when we get involved with someone new. Especially if that someone is obviously different than us. We start to second guess everything we’ve done up until now. Did we make the right choices? Should I be doing something else? You feel unsure and you get thrown off balance.
Why is this important? Because these feelings of insecurity and unworthiness will prevent your true self from ever emerging. You can’t be comfortable with being you if you don’t like who you are.
“Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.”
Excellent point! I needed this.
Good!
I can’t wait for you to get YOU back, and I don’t mean that in relationship to any other girl! I suspect your loss of self-worth doesn’t really have to do with other women so much as your bad luck at finding a job, for too long. (Losing your car didn’t help, either, made you more reliant on others in your relationships.)
The minute you mention your sashay — and yes, folks, I’ll vouch for it (that wiggle’s how she got her Puppy name from me!) — I remember how you were before all that HBB mess, how disturbed I was when you got back together with her when I knew you didn’t really LIKE her.
I want my Puppy back! Oh, I know you’re still you, but if feels almost as though you got stuck in the habit of some sort of oppression, and consequently it started popping up in your relationships.
But you’ll get there, I know you will! Fortunately, you don’t have a long history of not loving yourself, and I’m sure you’ll get it back. Properly wanting it, DEMANDING it, is the first step.
A little bad news, though. I think you know how much I love myself, how I crack me up and show myself a great time, have no need for a relationship or any desire for one, even. And yet, somehow, I continue to fall into these widely unbalanced traps. I’m afraid loving yourself isn’t the entire secret.
I’m sure that it’s not the entire secret. I wish that it was that easy. When I was loving myself, in the relationship I was in when we first connected, there were still even issues then. I just believe that if I can get this self love conquered, everything else will fall in place.
I don’t know what I was doing with her. I was on a path of self destruction. In some ways, I think I wanted what I saw as her goodness to rub off on me because as much as I didn’t like her, I saw her accomplishments in comparison to mine and though she must be doing something right. Grrr…
Well, at least you looked cute together!
lol, did we?
Sho nuff.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
I guess so, but that’s in the long run, right?
Take it as you want and make it what you want.
Oh, really? I’ve heard “What doesn’t kill you makes you GRUMPIER!”
Hahahah!
Stay strong, everything will turn for the better soon.
It has to.
good for you Alix! this is so so true.
Great inspiring post Alix! I saw a poster that made me laugh. It read, “What doesn’t kill me…only makes me grumpier.” By Darla some sarcastic character.
You know I like to say,take care of you.
so much truth in this post!
The best bounce back is instant gratification.
Find sometihing that makes you feel good, Sugar.
Something warm or wet or pink or hot.
Just something that makes you smile.
When we are happy, we create new energy.
It’s holding on to all that hurt and ache that’s got you nowhere.
I’m letting it go, slowly but surely.
Yes that’s good that you’ve grown enough to know what went wroung. But yes grow from this!! Have some cake!!
I’m actually craving cake…
I read this earlier on my phone and tried to comment but, it didn’t work out too well. Anywho, I can dig it. I sure had my time of not loving myself. You’re right about when you truly love yourself other people can appreciate you and absorb your goodness more.
I think my standards are higher when I’m feeling myself. People treat you better when they know they can’t get away with the BS
That picture is too precious. TOO PRECIOUS.
Ok. Loving yourself. Hardest lesson to learn and I’m still working on it. Thanks for the reminder.
And I surely wish I didn’t have to go through all the B.S. I did to understand it’s importance.
I think the BS is supposed to make us love ourselves more…I hope…
Girl, I read this already but I didn’t see the picture. That was too adorable. Plus, you know more about yourself than anyone else, so you really don’t need any advice from us, huh?
I always appreciate advice from you guys. I might not like it, but I appreciate it