A coward's fool
I found myself watching the season finale of the bachelor. He chose one girl, but couldn’t stop thinking about the other. Of course the first girl was upset, and I felt her pain. Within seconds I found myself writing a letter to SH and on her myspace page.
I didn’t send it. I do want to. Seriously, I do. Those unanswered questions still bug me. Anyway, this was the letter. I’m going to try my best not to send it. I pray for strength:
I’ll never have to wonder why girls act crazy over you. I got my answer. I wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t say that because whatever happened was supposed to happen. I guess I just wish I understood it. I think a lot about you. My mind strays to you all the time. Wondering if I made it all up. Wondering if any of this was real, if you ever really felt any emotion for me at all. Wondering what the point of this all was. I don’t know why you fought so hard to keep me around to only decide to let me go. And to not even have a conversation with me about it… Damn, I thought I knew you better than that. That was such a cowards way out. So unexpected. It’s been what? A little over 2 weeks? I wanted to break up and you talked me out of it. Twice in a week you assured me we were fine. Went through the trouble of getting my address for Valentine’s Day. And then just like a magic trick, you disappeared from my life. You know what that makes me? A fool. What a couple we were. A fool & a coward.
I wish I could tell you to not send it but that letter is way too good! You put all you needed to say and I wish I can say not to send it.but…I’m going to shut up now.
lol, you can say don’t send it. you all know by now I do what I feel like doing anyway, lol…
So do you realy want to know the answer to your questions or do you just want an explanation?
Cause you could probably sum it up for youself. Her answers should go something like:
Baby I know I made some terrible desisions when it comes to me and you.
But please don’t think that it was you. I had a lot going on and timing was just bad.
What we had was real it was special and I have never met a woman like you.
Spending time with you just made me realize I’m not ready for what you bring to table.
Hopefully one day you can forgive me for being a coward, until then I’ll hold on to the time we shared and try to be a better person.
Even if you get that it won’t hurt any less, let it burn baby.
Thanks! You know you’re right…
I never got much of an explanation from her about anything…
And I like your answer
I’ll just pretend she said it…
It’s so good to get your feelings out. Rather you decide to send it or not at least you got it out of your system.
yeah, I had to…I don’t think I’m going to send it though…
Please don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing any more of your thoughts. She doesn’t deserve them. I have experienced a situation like this, and frankly the only way to get over it is to get over it! I just think people who hurt us so blatantly don’t deserve our emotion, our tears, or our pain.
This isn’t really about her, it’s about me. My pain has been replaced with curiosity. I don’t care if she knows how I feel. I think it’s more childish to try to hide emotions from someone. When you hold them in like that, the only person you’re hiding from is yourself…
Alix I totally understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes it’s not even about the other person it’s really about you and your feelings and how you feel. Holding stuff in isnt’ good I’ve learned the hard way from that.
I think the real question is how would you feel about her response. If it’d upset you if she didn’t respond or didn’t respond in a way you’d like then I definitely don’t think you should send it because then it’s really not ALL about you. If you can confidently say that you wouldn’t even care if she responded or what she says then by all means send it and let out your emotions (or don’t).
Nice letter, but I agree with Bella, don’t give her the satisfaction. Maybe she’ll realize the mistake she made soon and send you an apology letter. Doubtful, but possible.
I really don’t understand what satisfaction she’d get from my letter. I’m not asking for her back. In fact, I have her blocked, so if I send it, she can’t reply back to me…
Sometimes writing things out helps get the emotions out rather you send it or not. Just to see the questions written out. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure your ok with whatever the outcome is.
I don’t want a response from her at all. I don’t think she cares enough to respond. If she did, wouldn’t I have heard from her by now.
Oh, I read this after I wrote my previous comment. Yea, I agree with CL.
Alix I have COUNTLESS unsent letters. It started with me feeling like I couldn’t say it and intending to send it and then never sending. I quickly learned it was pretty cathartic. I didn’t need him to read it, I just needed to get it out.
I agree with your response to Bella (though I also agree with Bella, but that’s because I just generally don’t think she deserves anything a’tall from you)
But let’s say you accidentally put it in an e-mail and hit send and it accidentally ended up in her e-mail inbox. I wouldn’t judge.
lol, if I did it, it wouldn’t be by accident
quit while you are ahead. it is tempting to send that, but I am afraid her response or non-response may cause more emotional turmoil than you already have been through. she isn’t worth it…
i agree 125% w/ Bella!
Umm…already said I didn’t want a response…
oh, i missed that part. lol.
I really like the letter. I agree with Tami on the response…I mean…do you really want to know why? Do you think it’d be comfort to you? I sometimes find myself wanting to write letters to only know…
the letter was well written though…I’d respond.
p.s. how are you?
I don’t think the response would be much different from what the illest said earlier and I don’t know how satisfying that would be.
How am I feeling? I’m sick. Got a little bit of a cold…
I say have a fire and water ceremony. Print out the letter, set it on fire, and then drown out the flames. It’s a way for you to release your feelings surrounding SH.