I'm unplugged…
When SH and I were together we had a conversation about affection. She said that I would have to tell her to keep her hands to herself because she had been told that she was overly affectionate. She was excited when I said I was affectionate too.
I fibbed a bit when I told her this. Affection doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s something that I have to work on to make sure the person I’m with knows that I want them around. It’s not that I don’t want someone close to me. I love to be close, but it’s the extra stuff. Like playing in hair, holding hands, kisses on the cheek. It’s that kind of stuff that I can only do if I feel motivated. My motivation? Love and feeling loved.
SH mentioned that all she needed “a little bit” of attention from her girls to be happy. Later she revealed that one of her exes said she required too much attention. She confessed that the affection she is shown over the course of the day translated into foreplay at the end of an evening. This meant that she found it very difficult to connect if she hasn’t received any attention or affection. I can relate to everything she said.
I cannot have sex if I feel a disconnect from my partner. I often feel that I’m contradicting myself because I can have sex with a woman to whom I’ve never had any type of connection, but if the connection was there and then suddenly it’s not, I can’t do it. My body doesn’t function right. It’s not enjoyable. I’ve forced my way through it before to not add to an already bad situation. I call it pity sex. It was pitiful.
If I’m sleeping, I cannot wake to a sexual act. I have to be coaxed into it. I’ve explained this to girls before by calling it non-sexual touching. I need to be rubbed. Not on the magic areas. Everywhere, but there. At some point, I get turned on and we can complete the entire act. Some girls never understood this. They would dive right in, sometimes literally. Pinching, grabbing, squeezing and penetrating. Ugh…
SH understood. I miss that about her. I am the consummate romantic and being with her is how I imagined physical love to feel. We were always kissing. Constantly touching, rubbing. She would wink at me from across the room. She would sink her hands into my hair and massage my scalp. We would rub faces, then she would rest her forehead against mine. We’d share the same air when we inhaled…
While I don’t miss the drama that came along with being with her. I miss having that kind of intimacy in my life.
Yeah, me too, the intimacy of emotions.
It’s odd. I doubt the sincerity of the emotions behind the intimacy, but I’m still touched by it.
We are a lot alike as far as intimacy, with my current mate I need the foreplay of words and like you said rubbing me anywhere, BUT there goes a lot father than just the “wham bam , HERE I GO!,” and having someone that gets that is priceless…
It’s a rare find. Now if I could only find someone that was good for something other than that…
awww…Alix…i know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are saying here. i know you miss that and know you will find someone who can do that and so much more!
wow, i just know how you feel with this.
They have to do more. As great as that is, it’s not enough…
I can’t have sex if I feel disconnected from my partner either. This is a current situtation that I am facing that I’ll be blogging about today. So, I definitely feel you on that.
I’ll be sure to come over and check it out. You know a lot of people don’t understand that. It’s unrelated for them…
Alot of my straight friends seem to have sex without any strings attached; don’t know how they do it.
I can do it. I’d just prefer not to.
Sex for me has to go hand-in-hand with feeling a connection with the other person. I’m not against others having casual sex or one night stands but it’s not for me. I need to know, like and personally care about the person I sleep with.
It’s so much better that way!
I totally understand where you’re coming from.
*sigh*
Ahh… intimacy. A tricky thing I think. I used to, do, and probably will for a long time run from it. If I find myself getting too intimate with someone (and I mean of all types) I find myself slowing up and pulling back. I have to be pulled into it completely and that’s more work than most people are willing to (and definitely should have to) do.
Having said that, of the people who have been able to pull me in, if I no longer have that same level of intimacy with them, I miss it.
I know, I’m odd.
I get the whole I can’t have sex with my partner if there is no connection but I can have sex with someone whom I’ve never had a connection with. What I don’t get is the whole foreplay deal. Clearly there are women on both ends. Those of us, who want it (foreplay), need it, crave it and those that can just jump right in. I wonder what it is?
Now I’ve only been with one person to whom I’ve been head over heels attracted too, this woman just blew me away. It happened to be my first girlfriend in college. I’ve dated since her and have even been in a long term relationship as well but the sexual feelings I had with her, I’ve never felt with any of the other women I’ve been with: no build up, but I could’ve been down there all day, so who needs build up when you never stop! ; )
Some may say it’s the first gf thing but I’ve def. seen other women on just looks alone that I am super attracted to and foreplay isn’t on my mind when I see these women or when someone I’m dating is in my bed. I’m definitely a let’s get this show on the road type of woman who doesn’t need the buildup; again what accounts for the difference?
I’ve been there too. I think a lot of what you’re talking about is that connection I wrote about. I think there are people you want to share something with, you want the entire experience, you’re really trying to convey something through your actions. And the person you want to get right to it with, speaking for myself, all I want to convey is that I’m a good lay.
I so so get what you’re saying Alix. Those subtle loving touches and caresses throughout the day are akin to foreplay for me. Anything blatant like touching one of those magic areas does nothing for me..there are plenty of other areas that will get to me a lot faster because I feel that love. I find it hard to just jump straight to the point, although there are occasions..but even then there’s been insinuations and talk of what’s to come. Pun intended.
and she ends up taking me straight to her point. Sometimes that’s exactly what I want her to do..other times it overwhelms me, but it’s never a bad thing. I just thoroughly enjoy every nuance and subtlety of the whole process the way her lips curve into a smile at a look I give her down to the way her lashes touch her cheeks when breathing afterward.
There are times Kay has clearly been simmering while I want a slower build up for a bigger outcome
Yet another reason I’m called Sip.
Great topics!
Sip! lol…
*Innocent look* What did I say?
Just unplugged a little too…
I know the feeling, I really do.