A few years ago, I was chatting it up with this girl on myspace. She was straight. She originally requested me which I found to be a bit unusual. We clicked though. She wrote poetry. Quoted hip hop lyrics. Always knew about the newest music. We were both living in Atlanta, but never made plans to hang out. Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers and the first weekend we talked, we spent about 20 hours (off and on) talking.
It’s not that we had that much to talk about, but she called me because she needed an ear. Her daughters father had beat her ass and she didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t the first time either. She had no where to go. I wanted to go get her, move her in with me, but the logical part of me recognized the fact that I didn’t know this girl. She ended up staying with a friend of a friend. A police officer. She wanted to go check out the shelters, but he lived in Bubbafuck where public transit didn’t operate. She ended up going back to the Beater.
We continued to talk. I would cringe everytime he stepped into a room with her. I didn’t want to be on the phone with her and hear him do something. I would feel responsible for making sure she got help, but how do you do that when you don’t know anything about this person, or where they live…She was a stranger despite the large amount of words we shared.
Months passed with her looking for jobs, looking for shelters, asking for help from her family and nothing panned out. She couldn’t work because he wouldn’t pay for daycare. The shelters had too many stipulations. Her family refused to help her because she kept going back.
She would be on the phone with me, trying to figure out how they were going to eat for the next couple of days. She would be figuring all of this out while flipping through premium cable stations and surfing the internet. Ooooh, I started to get heated. I didn’t know how to tell her that her priorities were fucked up. I didn’t know if it was my place. I didn’t know how she would take it. So what did I do? I blogged about it. And yes, she read the blog.
She cut me off. She stopped calling. Stopped IMing. Removed me from her Myspace. Yeah, I know I handled that badly. She didn’t hold grudges though. She popped up in my life again around the end of last year…
to be continued
Maybe she felt like a privacy was a bit violated? Don’t know but, she came around so hey.
I didn’t use her name though…
Man…I like this story already…I’m mad I haven’t found YOU on myspace yet.
I keep expecting to run into one of yall on myspace…Well to be honest, I have already…
in these types of situations you want to do something to help but at the same time you dont want to get caught up into the drama. she stayed because she wanted to, there are always options …and excuses.
ive been in this situation and all you can really do is lend an ear and watch and listen. you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved…they can only help themselves.
I learned to step back the hard way.
Hmm… tricky, tricky…
But I completely understand. That’s why none of my close friends (i.e. the ones who frustrate me enough to have to blog about them) know about my blog. Honestly, I don’t think they’d be surprised at what they read, but there’s something that happens when you read stuff about you in a public place that you didn’t write and I get that, so…
Glad she didn’t hold a grudge and glad there’s more to this story… YES!
And that is why she’ll never have the link to this blog, lol…
Glad she’s re-surfaced, YaY! Looking forward to reading the rest.
It’s coming soon!
That would have pissed me completely off too. I probably would have ended up snappin and tellin her all about herself. Wow…it’s amazing the types of people that life will get you mixed up with.
can’t wait for the continuation!
Isn’t life random?
Yeah, I imagine I’d have spoken up, but there’s no reason to think it wouldn’t have had the same results! I am the ear for so many, and sometimes all they want is 100% support and agreement, but that ain’t always what they get from me. If they can’t take the loud-mouthed Jersey truth, I figure, they oughta knock on a different door!
I’m always careful to never name those about whom I blog, heartwise, because you never know how it’s gonna turn out. And there’s definitely that one psycho (I do believe you know about which A woman I speak) who’s been known to throw tantrums over my blogs sometimes, even though there’s no way to trace them to her.
R, on the other hand, has sort of unnecessarily outted herself in my blogs lately, and I can’t really think why. A need for recognition, even when the finger pointed is none too pretty? Who knows…
On one hand, I can see why she would be upset. Having your life exposed can be upsetting. HOWEVER, on the other hand, she pursued you to discuss her problems. If she didn’t want to listen to solutions, then that’s on her. Besides only you know who she is b/c you didn’t mention any names. And, unfortunately, there are a good number of these abusive situations that it can really be anyone that you’re blogging about.
I didn’t even write about the abuse. I wrote about her financial irresponsibility.
I kinda feel where you’re coming from. I got a friend in a tough situation. Just lost her Job but already this week she’s been out drinking twice and went shopping. My train of thought is – in these dire economic circumstances – one would be more prudent in saving money. It would be in her best interest to save her money because unfortunatley she’s one of 2 breadwinners in a household of 10. She’s lost her means of income so there is actually only one individual left to bear the onus. Going clubbing twice a week and shopping doesn’t exactly put food on the table. But I don’t know how to tell her to get HER SHIT together without being a blatant asshole.
A blantant asshole. That’s me! Sometimes people have to learn their lessons the hard way…
It is tricky. Even though you didn’t use her name, I would probably be upset too. I wonder sometimes about blogging about people close to me like my girlfriend and family. Only 3 people that know me, know of my blog. My blog is for me though. It’s like therapy. So I understand you blogging about the situation too…
She recognized herself though…Doesn’t that count for something?
It’s really hard to be friends with someone and know they’re continuously making bad decisions without saying anything. I wouldn’t be that pissed at my friends for pointing it out to me – it’s out of caring concern or whatever.
Re: posting it on your blog – I feel like if there were no names, it’s not insulting or anything like that. My blog is my therapy, sometimes I need to just say stuff. Hopefully she eventually understood that (dunno where the story is going) and realized you weren’t trying to dog her.
I think friends can say something. Isn’t that what makes them your friend?
La suite s’il vous plait!!!
In English pls!
Yeah I think maybe she felt embarrassed and hurt.Even though a blog is kinda an open diary, I think she felt hurt on the way you talked about her…even if it is true.
It probably hurt a little more because she knew it was true!
Folks who can’t face up to their own damn actions got no right interacting with anyone.
Hmmmmmm, good old blogs sometimes find ways to ruffle somebodies feathers outside of the “blogosphere” and “net”. I can’t wait to read what happened next….. It’s kind of bold her fam didn’t help her but, I understand the notion. When you know a person is going to keep going back it’s best not to get involved but, then when there are kids idk.
I know! What about the babies!