Revisiting some of these older blogs and relating them to how I feel now wasn’t my plan when I found these old posts, but it’s working for me, so I’m gonna go with it…Maybe yall didn’t even realize that yesterday’s post was written almost a year ago…
I had a conversation with the Lil Monkey one day when I said to her almost the exact same words I used in the Love Without Expectations post. I told her that I didn’t know what it meant when someone says I love you back.
It was rather emotional for me, I’m sure that I was in the beginning stages of falling for her (or it could’ve been PMS). She told me that I was being unfair to her and to wait to see how it felt to be with her. I would know how she felt about me then.
She was right.
I’ve learned that love comes with expectations. To believe that you can have one without the other is impossible. If you love someone you will expect certain things out of them: loyalty, consideration, trust, comfort, respect…
If you don’t expect anything out of someone you’re involved with, then you should question the role you want that person to play in your life. To be with someone and not expect anything from them is the attitude you should have with someone you do not have any intentions of being serious with. That’s why love without expectations doesn’t work.
Love only works when people share the same definition of the word. It’s not a conversation that needs to be had. It’s a realistic view of someone’s actions and behaviors. I say realistic, than means without the distorted view of rose colored glasses.
Actions speak louder than words, it’s true.
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See how time changes things? Self-growth is so awesome.
You hit the nail squarely on the head with this post. Love without expectation is unrealistic. Everyone has different ways they receive (and give) love, i.e. different love languages (yeah, I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s an important concept). I learned the hard way just how crucial compaibility is; and not everyone follows up their loving words with consistent action.
If your expectations aren’t met, how long do you stay in that relationship? I had a bad habit of staying in situations like that for far too long.
Blue´s last blog ..Are girls drawn to “bois” who resemble their dads?
this is definitly true when it comes to relationships. i wrote a blog similar to this a couple of days ago. me and my boo know had a conversation about this. in life you expect to automatically get certain love like love from family,mother ,father,brother,etc. but when you are in a relationship….that is what it is. this is someone that doesn’t have to be there,they want to be. she has never had someone love her like i do so sometimes it is hard for her to understand. she never “expected” someone outside of family to love her like that or should i say she has never had it in the past. it can start to mess up expectations when you go thru so many relationships and they don’t work but they all “love you” but never let the past transgressions interfer with the present. that is a totally new and different person. the expectations may be raised but you have to give them the opportunity to reach them.
shawna j´s last blog ..The Last Time
Absolute TRUTH! Don’t know if I’ve learned it yet, or if I’m even willing to find out any more!
This has given me much to think about. I still think that you should not have expectations when “looking” for love. But when you are officially dating, i guess it is true that you will have expectations no matter what. Different ones for the different levels in that relationship.
And good questions @ Blue. If your expectations aren’t met, how long do you stay in that relationship?
Dani A´s last blog ..Let Me Love You II
[...] A Brown Girl Gone Gay, one of Alix’s entries captured my attention. It’s the one titled Love With Expectations and it’s a great post that touches on one of the most important aspects of [...]
I read some of your posts and loved them all! I long to say I love you to someone and hear that person say it back to me. To me love is still a fantasy.
Brillianation´s last blog ..Friend