Emotions Make You Cry Sometimes
Disclaimer: There may not be an actual point to this post.
I had a conversation with a girlfriend once about my emotional nature. She told me that since I knew she grew up in a household that didn’t support big displays of emotions then I should understand that emotional nature made her uncomfortable. That’s not a direct quote, but it’s what I heard.
I grew up in the same type of household. We didn’t walk around saying, “I love you.” We were always told not to react in public. There was always someone watching and waiting to report. If you were feeling something other than happiness, you kept it to yourself. You dealt with it yourself.
Admittedly, I cried as a child. I hated disappointing my family. Literally, the phrase, “I’m so disappointed in you” would send tears streaming down my face. Even though that kept me from getting punished, I still hated crying even though the only people that saw me were family.
When I got into my teens and even my twenties, the tears dried up. My reactions to things were minimal, so much so that I was compared to a rock once. The more common description of my behavior was nonchalant.
The first time someone actually called me nonchalant it caught me off guard. There was this girl I had met, a cutie that I didn’t really vibe with. She was pressuring me to hang out with her and I suppose I wasn’t showing enough excitement about that prospect. She called me nonchalant and I immediately asked a few other people that knew me better and they confirmed her statement.
Being called nonchalant bothered me, but after exploring myself further, I knew she (and everybody else) was right. I was difficult to read because my allow people to see what I was feeling. They had to rely on my words and that wasn’t information I readily volunteered.
I found comfort in thinking that when I found someone I could be emotional with, I would be. I didn’t see my nonchalant condition as a defect, I saw it as more of a defense mechanism.
Let’s fast forward to present day. I am now an emotional, sensitive mess. I find myself involved with women that don’t know what to do with me. In these situations, I feel bad because I don’t know how to stop the flow of tears. At the same time, it makes me mad. Is it my fault that she can’t handle my feelings? Where is the middle ground and how do you get there?
There’s no middle ground on who you are. I’m no expert…but there person that is meant to be with you, the one that loves you and everything about you, takes all of you. It just makes sense. You cant love someone but just put up with other aspects about them. Not that you should think they are perfect, but…idk. I just feel that you wont have to deal with this when you’ve met the right person, because that person will know how to deal with you. You being an emotional woman is as simple a trait as someone who curses too much, or drinks too much, or snorts when they laugh, or snores terribly when they sleep. Its apart of you and the right person wont care. Someone else said it best, “Be yourself, because the people that care, DO NOT matter, and the ones that matter DO NOT care.
.-= Dani A´s last blog ..Get what you Give…. =-.
I am finding that if you find someone worthwhile, they will learn you and learn how to handle you. Relationships, whether romantic or platonic are all about hit and miss. We change. Who you were ten years ago will not be the same person you are ten years from now. It’s unreasonable to assign blame to yourself about who you are right now. If you’re emotional right now, be emotional. Your lover and friends will have to accept or tolerate it (hopefully support it), or not, but don’t let that take you off your path.
I am finding that if you find someone worthwhile, they will learn you and learn how to handle you. Relationships, whether romantic or platonic are all about hit and miss. We change. Who you were ten years ago will not be the same person you are ten years from now. It’s unreasonable to assign blame to yourself about who you are right now. If you’re emotional right now, be emotional. Your lover and friends will have to accept or tolerate it (hopefully support it), or not, but don’t let that take you off your path.
.-= Cherina´s last blog ..This Shade Of Red (NAPAMO #4) =-.
I’ve got no more to add than what was said above, but I’m growing increasingly concerned, though I know better than to think you’d answer the phone when things aren’t going well — even if I could find any signal.
Will you please please please at least email me to give me a clue???
Missing you…………
.-= Flying Mermaid´s last blog ..Flying Mermaid is off to the Apple store. Pray for her (and them). =-.
Being emotional is natural. Don’t worry about whether someone else can handle you. Relationships shouldn’t involve “handling” anyway. It’s all about caring for the whole person and their quirks. You’re fine.
.-= Ladybug Smile´s last blog ..Poor Thumb =-.
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now. I enjoyed it very much. I can so much relate to this entry. “I am now an emotional, sensitive mess.”.. I am for sure. It seems as I get older I don’t know how to control it. I used to be a person who would hold it in just for no reason at all.. So I know what you are talking about here. I live it…
.-= Mahoganydymond´s last blog ..Tell me before it is too late… =-.
When you love someone or they love you, they should too accept all that comes with the person you are. There is no middle ground with regard to accepting someone elses emotions. You either deal with them or you don’t. If we had a magic “emotion” switch that we could turn off when we knew our emotions were making our lover feel uncomfortable then we’d never get a chance to get to know the reason person. We have to be ourselves all the time or else risk changing for someone only for them to turn around and leave you stuck.
The middle ground in a relationship is the ability to give a little, take a little, and find common ground somewhere in between. Odds are, for every little quirk your girlfriend can’t stand, there are two of hers that you not only deal with, but do so without her ever knowing you find the behaviors unbecoming. We make sacrifices in relationships all the time, the test lies in knowing what we can and can’t accept for ourselves when we’re in one.