Leaning On Air
It takes a lot for me to feel connected to someone. I’m not the kind of person that believes that everyone I interact with is my friend. It often requires a meeting of very weird minds and a different train of thought in order for me to really feel a connection.
I’ve done a lot of dating in my life. And no, dating is not a code word for fucking. I’ve been out with a lot of girls. Dinners, drinks, dancing. Most of those girls never made it to date three or four. The connection wasn’t there. For some reason or another, I didn’t need them to be a part of my everyday life.
When they are deemed unnecessary, I let them fade out of my life. I interact with them minimally or not at all. Its never been that difficult for me to let people go. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
When the connection actually happens, it usually catches me off guard because it’s so rare. I get excited about every interaction. This person becomes my energy drink: They give me wings!
I open up to them. I lean on them…And often, I fall. Because I’m leaning on air.
There one minute. Gone the next. What happened?
The hardest thing about relationships is the fact that there are two people’s feelings & needs to consider.
Often one person will be under the impression that everything is alright. They are happy. They feel connected. Everything is right in their world…
Yet the other half of the same relationship is unhappy. They are unsure. They are growing more and more disconnected from their partner everyday.
How can that happen? That two people in the same relationship can be on such different pages?
Lack of communication? A false sense of reality?
What gives?
Why is it that my throat’s closing while reading this? When I read “This person becomes my energy drink: They give me wings!” I was near breathless — what a perfect description of a feeling that seems lost to me forever! But then the gut kick, the sad and lonely realization that no matter how connected we may feel to someone, we are not that person and they are not us!
Of course lack of communication is the key, but often that lack begins inside, with someone not communicating properly, or truthfully, to herself. It may start small, one tiny misalignment of ideas between the two that shifts things in a different direction. After which, if undetected, the distance simply continues to grow. Synapses misfiring. Aim tilted. It takes both the red and the blue to make 3-D!
.-= Flying Mermaid´s last blog ..Flying Mermaid added a new photo to the Cora Belle album. =-.
Flying Mermaid is on point with her comment. #iconcur
I learned a long time ago that just because you felt a certain way about someone, didn’t mean they had to return that emotion. Which brought me to the next lesson, that two people in a relationship are not always on the same page. It sucks, but without communication, things can easily fall apart. Sometimes I feel like the person that’s just in their own world, doesn’t care enough, or doesn’t want to deal with the issues. That isn’t your fault. I would do the best I can at bringing the issues to their attention and fast before their fantasy worlds goes too far. In this one case, I would say, you give….you put an end to this alternate reality where you are unhappy and they are living on this floating cloud where there’s no problems. If you don’t you may end up in her dream but see it as your nightmare. A strong relationship must have…
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (shared activity, calls, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
.-= Dani A´s last blog ..Cake and Ice Cream anyone? =-.
I am in total agreement with Dani and Flying Mermaid: Communication and Trust are the ultimate ingredients in a relationship. If you are not open and honest about your feelings with your significant other, your relationship is BOUND TO FAIL. Another aspect that we oftentimes fail to realize is that each day we make a choice as to whether or not will will love/share/communicate/trust the person we are with. Love is not happenstance as some would like to believe-it is a series of processes that must be carried out day in in day out in order to have a successful relationship. I love Dani’s list of “love must haves” those are the processes that I speak of.
Great post!
.-= AquariusSoul´s last blog ..Out @ Work =-.
Love Dani’s post. Definitely all must haves. I would like to think that I have them in my current relationship. It certainly feels like it. Here’s the important part though – you have to continue to work on those things. You have to continue to work on your relationship. Maybe ‘work’ is the wrong word. A solid relationship takes all of those things on a consistent basis. When they start diminishing, for whatever reason..that’s when things can get shaky. Insecurities grow, resentment starts, frustration builds. You have to remember to nurture the good thing you have. If you can’t find it in yourself to do that ‘work’ then it’s probably not the relationship for you. No, I’m not equating relationships to work, per se. I suppose I’m just trying to say, don’t neglect. Don’t assume. Don’t take for granted.
Hey Tonya, thanks for agreeing with me. I wanted to reply to you though, because the list i wrote above in my initial response is a apart of a relationship post that you may enjoy. Check it out. http://theemancipationofdanisalex.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/partners-for-life/ I think you’ll like some others as well.
.-= Dani A´s last blog ..Cake and Ice Cream anyone? =-.
Tonya brings up the most important point, IMO. Consistency. It’s the hardest part of maintaining a relationship. You see couples fail all the time and wonder why when they seemed to have so many of the attributes necessary to sustain a loving relationship. Without constant community, open, honesty, even the hard kind that could cause tears and hurt feelings, your relationship is bound to be on the fast track to nowhere, even if your sex life is passionate. Lust can only carry you so far. Consistent communition can take you to the ends of the earth and back. That’s the key.
.-= Knowledge´s last blog ..What’s New With The Ex and I =-.