I lost a friend last week. No, she didn’t die. She removed herself from my life. It was her choice to do so, though I can’t say that I understand her motives.
I have done this to people more than I really want to admit. The only difference between what she did and what I’ve done is that she actually put words to her actions. She told me what she was doing and how she felt. First with indirect tweets on twitter and later in text. I cried that day.
If you were an actor, you would know what your purpose was in the grand scheme of the production. Everything would be clearly written out for you. You would know your relationship to every other character. You would know how they would treat you and you would know how you were supposed to behave towards them.
In the real world, we don’t have the luxury of seeing the ties that form our form our friendships and our relationship. We can’t physically see how strong they are. We can’t touch them and test their weight.
We are expected to know what invisible lines we aren’t supposed to cross. We are expected to know what special privileges we are granted.
How do we really know though?
i have dont this with no warning. just deciding to cut folks off who i feel are no good for me. sometimes i’m comfortable with my decision and other times i feel bad for not at least giving an explaination. i hate the subliminal tweeting shit though. & although i’m sad that your feelings were hurt because of this… in the long run hopefully you’ll see that maybe she did YOU a favor…
and not to toot my own horn but i’m still around *cheesy grin* love ya ali cat
yay #team libra!
I have lost friends over the years, but never had one tell me why. On some levels, I’ve been glad — I’ve been free to surmise why, however I think that in reality I want to know – what did I do wrong? I actually think I’m a really good friend and my ego wants to know.
Anyway, it’s a great point you make about not being able to see the times that bond our friendships. Relationships of all types are so hard for that very reason. You don’t wanna stress the tie for any reason (either because you’re too lax or too strict).
I’m sorry this happened to you, Alix.
i think i probably deserved it. karma.
Oh… sorry to hear that… but… relationships come and go.
I personally do not let friends go once they achieve that “true friend” status. They have to do something really wrong to lose that privilege…
Chin up, mama.
It’s up!
You can never really know. All you can do is love people the best way you can and be ready to yet love and accept them when they make the decisions they must make.
As you said, you’ve made difficult decisions regarding walking away from others, and now you must allow others to walk away from you.
It is all good, really. You more than likely need the break and don’t really know it yet. *Laughing*
Your friend did it better than I did! When I walked out of a friend’s life two years ago, I said not one word and never looked back…until now. No, I wasn’t trying to come back; I simply wanted to make peace by voicing my regret that I departed without allowing her redress to articulate her woes regarding the relationship.
When it all washed up on the beach, I had learned a great deal about myself from the walking-away, as you will also from her leavetaking.
Abrazos,
TheGoldenGoddess
p.s.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WITH MY BLOG BLUES!!!
You’re right, as usual. And you’re welcome…
Sometimes friendships and ties are tested. I’ve been surprised for both the better and the worst. I’m sure I’ve done this to someone as well. I know I’ve been guilty of disappearing.
Sorry to hear that happened though.
I disappear a lot. I should do better…
Just this summer I have cut ties with a majority of my friends. I sent out my text or made my phone calls and whatever else I needed to do to get them out of my life. Those relationships were stagnant and poisonous.
The best thing you can do is just let your friend go. I definitely didn’t break my ties to make my friends feel bad, I reached out and explained my reasons to make it a clean break with minimal confusion. If, a few months from now, you really want her company then reach out and try to make right whatever went wrong. Now that you see the lines drawn in the sand it’ll take time and mutual effort to work to embrace or erase them.
Agreed.
I didn’t know you cried…
It’s her lost ya know…
Some people are in your life for a reason…some for a season…and some for a lifetime.
*shrug* sure wish these folks came with labels.
I thought I told you about my tears…I don’t get emotional for just anybody. Sigh.
Funny, I am in the middle of writing a blog about this very subject.
I hate passive aggressive shit. I am guilty of it sometimes, but it is SO ineffective. Friendships should never have invisible lines of expectations.
CJ, coincidentally, she’s a libra. Maybe it’s our thing?
I’ve been guilty of the disappearing act myself. Sometimes, it was just better for me to lay low from someone that wasn’t going to better me and that I just couldn’t deal with at that point. Maybe that’s what she was trying to tell you. In the meantime, I know it hurts. Maybe she’ll come back with a better head on her shoulders, and you can resume the frienship.
I doubt it…