Day 10: If I Ruled The World
I laid down to go to sleep when my phone rang. I thought it might be Sugar, but it wasn’t her ringtone. It was an 803 area code. That’s home. My heart started to beat fast. Hate getting calls from home late a night because its never good news.
My cousin tells me to call his Mom because she has news about my Mom. I call my aunt and she suggests I come home. She said that she wanted to talk to me because she thinks my mom is downplaying her condition. The mass is the size of a baseball. A mutha fuckin baseball. The doctors want to try rerouting her food through her colon or something. Basically more surgery.
She tells me I need to be there because she was there for my Granddaddy and my uncle. No one seems to recognize that they lived in the same city with them. They didn’t stop working to be with them. I’m expected to give up what very little I’ve accomplished to go home. And there is a part of me that wants to. I want to pack up my suitcases and just bounce… But then what?
I told her that I planned to come home for Christmas. She told me not to change my plans and come sooner unless she told me to. Then she tells me to pray about it and follow my heart. So if I don’t choose to come back home, I suppose I’m heartless.
I don’t know how she managed to spank me through the phone, but she did. And now I look like the bad kid because I’m not hopping on a bus right now. I look like the bad kid because I can’t figure out how to be in 2 places at once. I”m a bad kid…
I had written something else for this post, but instead I’ll just say, if I ruled the world, every disease would have a cure…
Idk what to say exactly, but I do want to convey that the mere fact that this is bothering you should be more than enough to let you know that you’re not heartless.
I know this is bothering you more than words can say — this being not being omnipresent and also the simple fact that your mom is having to deal with this (and therefore, so are you)…
my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003. I had moved into my first apartment and she didn’t want me to move back in our family home. Her reason was that she wanted me to experience living on my own. Which was something she never did. I lived in the same town as my mother and we did the chemo, radiation and remission. Only to do it all over again with the exception of the remission. Instead I had to learn along with my siblings how to plan a funeral. Yes it’s not fair and I am by no means calling you heartless. Time is precious and you only have one mother. See her before you regret the time that you have missed. I have a feeling you left the next day. Good luck.
Ohhh, Puppy, I’ve had no internet for a couple of days (and it’s iffy now) so I’m not seeing this till now, but will try to find some signal to call you.
Christmas is soon. I say follow your heart, which seems to be telling you to wait till then, but maybe you’re already gone? Either way, you’re a GOOD little puppy!
XX
And as long as you’re ruling the world, why not let us be in more than one place at a time?