Day 12: Tis The Season To Fall…
The third weekend in January. I don’t know what it is about that weekend. I lost my virginity that weekend back in 1995. I remember the date easily because it was also my mom’s wedding anniversary.
Since then I’ve had 3 break ups on that same weekend. One could say tis the season to fall out of love…
Whenever I am in a relationship and that date approaches, I get a bit anxious because it seems as though anything that could go wrong, goes wrong around that time of the year.
Those three break ups were major break ups. Not necessarily because of how I felt about the woman, but more because of how long I carried around anger, resentment, hurt and doubt from the relationship. It would be easy to say that those break ups caused the most damage to my self esteem, to my mental health, to the quality of my life.
As I sit here and think about the break ups, it was the first break up with the women. What I mean by first is that I have this theory that lesbians break up more than once. The first one isn’t the “official” break up. The official break up is when you actually stop having sex… What I think back to is how I spent Valentine’s Day with each of those ladies after we broke up. How much sense does that make?
None, to me, for whom a break up is instantly final and complete.
I feel you on this one sis. You know how I do. It’s so hard to let go of women emotionally. lol Then again, it’s really hard physically. We can break up on Monday. It’s over. By Thursday I’m craving you and tricking her into sly conversation. By Saturday, I’ve hit that and cuddled. smh What’s the sense in that? lol