How will I know if she’s interested?

How will I know?

I started singing as soon as I formed the question. Classic Whitney.

Anyway…

What are the signs?

Both questions that appeared in my inbox from one of my loyal readers. She is coming to terms with her sexuality and ready to act on her interest, but how?

It’s a question that comes up a lot for the newbie’s. Men? It’s fairly simple and obvious. Generally, most men don’t seek out friendships with women. If a man gives a lot of attention to a woman, he’s probably interested. He’ll make the first move. Easy as pie, right?

Now I can’t say that it can’t happen like that with a woman. It can, but that depends on the woman. I have been with women that made their intentions blatantly obvious. But when it’s not…?

Most friendships are same sex. That’s what makes things confusing. Factor in your location (a small town in bubbafuck where there is no gay scene and everyone is in the closet), and you might have to call in Angela Lansbury.

How will you know?

Initially, I would recommend that every ‘ship you form with a woman be considered a friendship. You don’t want to make assumptions about anyone’s intentions and risk offending them. Besides a friendship should be the basis of any healthy romance.

So you’re hanging out with this woman on the regular. Is it romantic?

She says: Send me a picture. Sending someone a picture to flaunt your new haircut is one thing, them asking for a picture just because is another.

Her actions: Come hither. No one likes being around a person they don’t like and we naturally want to be close to someone we like. So when the two of you are standing together and you like each other, you are most likely to be standing close. She will invite herself to share your personal space.

She says: Let me take you out. Friends can treat friends to an outing. The convo will normally involve some derivative of “I got you.” There’s nothing romantic about that.

Her actions: Look into my eyes. There are two possibilities here. She may either avoid your eyes at all costs, if she is shy, or she may hold your gaze, ifs he is not. And then there are the demure sideways glances – and perhaps you’ve even thrown a few. When you’re attracted to someone, it can be difficult to meet their eyes.

She says: Are you seeing somebody? I have never, ever had to ask to pose this question to a friend, new or old. Women like to talk about people they are feeling. It’s information that’s volunteered, not solicited. If she asks you (of course you haven’t indicated your status because your interest may lay in her), she’s questioning your availability. If you have to ask her, you should wonder why she hasn’t mentioned anyone on her own.

Her actions: The mirror never lies. When we feel affectionate towards someone, we unconsciously start to mirror their actions. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and this is a good example of that.

She says: Good morning. Good night. There is your friend’s mass 6am text to her closest 52 friends. You’re not special! Then there is her text. A good morning, a hope for a good day and she uses your name. She will make a point of telling you good night, maybe not every night, but more often than not.

Her actions: She shows off her Colgate smile. If she smiles, whether you are talking or not, it is a fairly strong signal. She may also laugh at anything you say, even if you feel it was not all that funny.

She says: I’d like you to meet (insert name of best friend here). Someone with a friendly interest would just invite you to a group hangout. There would be no conversation about the meeting.

Her actions: She blushes. She can’t control it, but maybe you can. If there is something you say or do that seems to make her blush, then you’re on the right course for romance.

She says: When’s your birthday? What’s your sign? Two different questions with the same motive. They want to see if the zodiac thinks you’re compatible.

None of these signs mean anything as a single example. It’s the combination of many of these that indicate a sign of interest… And if you can’t tell and you feel like you’ve established some kind of friendship with this woman, then just be bold and ask.