Three’s A Crowd
Question: I love my girlfriend. Thats why I’m looking for advice instead of just leaving. But here’s the thing, She isn’t fair with me. I have to give example of the most prominent thing that annoy me.
Her best friend is not to my liking. My girlfriend and I live together and for some reason she thinks its ok to give her best friend [whom is a guy by the way] a key and have him sleep over her whenever he pleases. I tell her this is our life and your friend shouldn’t have to stay here. He is your friend but let him be just that not our roommate who lives rent free. She thinks I’m being unreasonable, that I should of known that they are they are “package deal”. I knew him from the beginning she says, I should have no problem to accept this. So then she says well he will sleep over when he goes out of town and comes back and leave early in the morning. That I have no choice in that matter. What the hell? Really?
I was so hurt on that. I don’t know what to say to make her see my view on things.
I love her though. So much. Help.
Answer: I immediately started wondering what the friend had going on that he would randomly crash at your crib. But then I realized that it didn’t matter. Any decisions affecting the entire household should be made by the people that live there. There needed to he a conversation about whatever he has going on so that you could come to an understanding and an agreement. Your votes are equal. One voice should not be louder than the other.
I would sit down with her and tell her how having him there makes you feel. I’d imagine that it’s not all about his presence, but your lack of control in your own home. Let her know that you don’t feel like an equal partner in your relationship and it hurts that she doesn’t seem to care about your feelings. You will have to express an understanding for the bond she has with him and have compassion for his situation. You can’t scream or fuss or cuss during any of this. You also can’t demand any changes because you don’t want to discount her feelings.
You’re in a tough spot, but you’re in love. If she starts to notice how unhappy this makes you, I believe she’ll take action. That means you must allow her to see how this situation makes you feel. She must be aware of how his situation affects your relationship. I have a hard time believing that her love for her friend outweighs her feelings for you. And if does, let them have the apartment and move on.
Great advice Alix. I don’t know what I’d do in this situation, but honesty and open communication is best.
Morning, Alex! I love the last sentence: Let them have the apartment and move on!
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Great advice. Being forthcoming in how you feel is always the best route.
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it’s crazy how i came across this post. i have been dealing with the same situation as well! my gf & i ALWAYS seem to get into some type of vigorous verbal debate about how her best friend (that’s a girl & also her ex gf’s TWIN sister) comes over, spends the night, yada yada, yada.
i’m not insecure. if anything i find it really weird. i mean, i know that they’re friends. but sometimes i feel like i’m sharing my gf. & it kind of bugs me. sometimes it feels like i’m just not enough. ahhh, fml.
It’s not fair to allow someone else to crash at your place and you have no input. It is your home also, and there is nothing more uncomfortable than having an “outsider” around when you don’t want them there. Your home should be your peaceful haven. If your girlfriend can’t understand the position she is putting you in, then..
And why do sleepovers have to be included in the “package deal”?
I had a very similar situation when I was married, he would allow his friends to sleep over when they were too drunk to drive or in a “hard place”..
So, I made it very UNCOMFORTABLE for them when they did sleepover.. and guess what? It cured that little problem.
I have a hard time believing that her love for her friend outweighs her feelings for you. And if does, let them have the apartment and move on.
And we’ll see how much she enjoys paying all the bills.
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