I wish I had known…
I wish I had known I was gay before I started having sex.
I lost my virginity at seventeen. It was the second semester of my senior year. I was curious. I wasn’t pressed or influenced into doing it, even though I had a boyfriend I had been with for six months. I could have waited. I should have. I would have if I had known…
Does it matter? Not really.
I do think that those “gold stars” tend to rub it in the face of those of us that have experienced real live penis.
I suppose for me, I wish I had the knowledge sooner, rather than later. While I wasn’t a whore, I wasn’t as discriminating with men as I should have been. I was searching for something with them that I could have never found with them. If I had known that, I would have never shared my body with them.
Make sense?
It makes sense.
Definitely makes sense.
Gold star superiority/self-righteousness is annoying.
I’m sick of looking at myself as a blank so just now set myself up on Gravatar and am now wondering how I make my picture show up here, dammit!
As usual, I was simply impatient — took a minute for me to show up. Had to use a picture of that fateful day you witnessed!
I know how you feel, Alix. I wish I had put it together sooner. I tried it a few times (sex with men), and I kept thinking it would get better, or that I would feel something. Why I didn’t stop after the first time, I don’t really know. I think that for a lot of us it’s a way to avoid what we know about ourselves, deep down–that we’re flaming homos! And the gold-star thing is something that I realize I punish myself over more so than any of my gold-star friends really do. I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but I think mine comes from a place of regret. There are a lot of non-gold-stars out there, and we hear you and understand you, girl, we really do.
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