I will try again tomorrow
I wanted to do something big today. Something brave. Today. National Coming Out Day.
Everyone in my everyday life knows I’m a lover of women and one particular woman. My coworkers know her. My boss has her phone number programmed in her phone. Nobody cares.
Now in my other life, the life I have that exists out of the parameters of work, Atlanta, and this blog…Hmmm…They know too. Most of them, but I don’t share my romantic life with those people. Part of me wants to. Part of me feels like I owe it to them to, but there is also a part of me that fears their knowledge.
I have this post saved as a draft called Dear Family, I’m Gay. It’s been a draft for over a year now. The day I actually post it, my plan is to post it on Facebook as well on my other account. The one with my family and coworkers.
I want it to be an in your face kinda move. I want it to confirm any doubts they may have had. I want them to mortified, horrified and proud all at the same time, but before they can feel anything, I have got to get up the courage to post it.
Sigh.
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher
Hey there. Great post. This one really hit home for me because I was sort of inadvertently outed to my extended family during a vacation in July. Nobody had really said anything to me, but I knew that they were all whispering. So yesterday, in honor of Coming Out Day, I posted a super gay picture of myself as my profile picture on Facebook! That ought to stop all of the chatter! It’s really hard though, especially if you’re close with your family. I have always been the odd one out in a way, and my family and I don’t see eye-to-eye on much, so I figured I’d just add this to the list! In your own time you will come to a decision about what to say and when. In the meantime, you’ve got to just do you. I got tired of going home and having to pretend to be someone else, so really, I outed myself on that vacation. I know it’s a cliché, but you really will know when the time is right. You’ll get sick of being in the closet around them, and then you’ll tell them what’s what. Most of my family hasn’t even said anything to me about it. They live their lives, and I live mine. I don’t ask them what goes on in their bedrooms, and, for the most part, they have granted me the same courtesy thus far. I don’t know your family personally, but I thought that, being black, it would be worse. (As you probably know, the joke is that there are no gay black people!) And to a certain extent it has been a little harder, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So when you’re ready, I say go ahead and post it on Facebook. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose the way you live your life. I suspect that you’ll choose to live yours fully, without apologizing for something that not only isn’t within your control, but also just isn’t that big of a deal.
Peace and love and bugs named Doug
GreyGirl
GreyGirl recently posted..THIS IS WHY I’M GAY!
I’m not sure if I was clear in my post, they know. We just don’t talk about it, so I’m not in the closet. My facebook shows I’m in a relationship with Sugar. I’ve even had a profile pic of she and I together.
Oh! So what are you worried about? Talking to them about it? I’m with you there if that’s the case. My grandmother knows but we’re never going to talk about it!
PLBND,
GreyGirl
GreyGirl recently posted..THIS IS WHY I’M GAY!
Hey…I’m glad we’re on the same boat with this one. I’m 23 and I’m basically out to everyone except my family (give or take a few close relatives). I want to tell my parents when I’m ready to move out so that they can deal with it without me there. I only stay closeted at home solely for comfort reasons. It sucks to lie about where I’m going and such, but that’s just the way it is for now. Good luck with your eventual coming out
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I’d like to clarify…
I am not in the closet… “Now in my other life, the life I have that exists out of the parameters of work, Atlanta, and this blog…Hmmm…They know too.”
Yeah, I still have a lot of my family blocked from seeing my posts on facebook, or at least the ones that shout “Remember?! I’m gaaaaayyyyy!” even though they already know.
I keep toying with the idea of changing that, too, but I’m just not emotionally ready for the comments.
Love the blog. So glad I found it.
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What this inquiring mind wants to know is why do you fear this?