Loving a boi
There are no roles in our relationship. She doesn’t hold strong to the stud label and y’all know how I feel about being called a femme…but she is more boi than I and I more femme than she.
There are basic human needs that stretch beyond gender roles or identities. Subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation, leisure, creation, identity and freedom. Don’t believe me? Google it!!
It is easy to forget that your boifriend wants to feel protected. When she scoots you away from curb of the sidewalk (away from traffic) that doesn’t mean the need to feel protected doesn’t exist. It means that need has to be fulfilled in a different way. It’s up to you to figure out how.
It’s easy to get caught up in being the feminine one, especially if you’ve got a good boi. They will have you so high on yourself, you’ll forget anyone else’s needs even exist.
I had a couple of reminders recently… Sugar and I were walking through the park, she looked at me and asked if she looked ok. She looked great and I told her so. I made a mental note: Don’t forget the compliments!
I woke one morning, reached out to her placing my hand on her back and around to her stomach. I couldn’t sleep and I had to get up in an hour. I wanted to be close, but I didn’t want to be hot, so I only let my hand stay there for a few minutes before attempting to move away. She pulled my hand back and scooted closer. Mental note: Sugar wants to be held sometimes too.
With my first involvement with a woman, a guy friend told me to treat a woman how I always dreamed of being treated. So true. And it still applies, even if you’re in love with a boi…
This is a very understandable post. Although there may not be concrete rolls in a same-gender relationship, I do believe that you can fall into a pattern of habits. Those are good mental notes to consider.
so true…despite all the labels–there are two women in the relationship and women want and need affection, love and reassurance among other things. great post!
aquariusSoul recently posted..Infinite Possibilities
This is so true. This can be applied to the one who takes on a more dominant role in the relationship rather than femme or stud because we don’t do the label thing either. Comfort, security, affection should be given by both parties.
Great post!!
Ethereal recently posted..Hot Cookie
Thanks for giving this sound advice… as a newbie it’s a great reminder.
[blush] great post!
Billie Simone recently posted..My 1st Photo Exhibit
Thanks so much for this! It is soooo true!
Liked this post a lot. I also love what your guy friend had to say about how to treat a lady. Labels are such a personal thing… I wish more people would just be themselves instead of worrying about a label that they either don’t like or clearly does’t or shouldn’t apply to them. I like how you and Billy, despite any role expectations, recognize each others needs first and foremost as individuals, partners and lovers because the truth is – labels don’t define roles, and roles don’t define labels. Never have, never will.There are feminine studs and aggressive femmes who clearly represent that. In any case, there’s nothing more precious than a woman recognizing that her boi can be just as needy for the same things she is …at times. Great post.
Beautifully said. Can’t wait to see y’all up close!
XX
Great post sis. Sometimes it is really easy to fall into habits that can be similar to roles in a relationship. But you’re right, there are other things as a couple that we do for each other to express the same emotion or habit.
Dani A recently posted..Reasons, Seasons, Lifetimes…
I’m guilty of this. Coming from the straight world it’s hard to adjust sometimes. However, I have deemed myself selfish and I’m trying to fix that. She’s a giver but I need to realize (and act on) the fact that sometimes her needs are no different than mine.
Thats’s really the truth. Me and my gf have unspoken roles and we try not to put a label on anything. But it it about recotgnizing the needs of you partner. This was a very good post.
I’ve been out of the loop for so long. But loved reading this. Thanks for the reminder!
Preach, Alix. I have learned this lesson thoroughly, altho sometimes i do have to check myself on it. Its easy to take take and take because it feels so good, and then we tip toe into expecting to get…without giving. Such a dangerous place to leave your relationship. I try to remember the cliche, what you wont do for her…someone else will.
Chanel recently posted..When the IN fades…
My boifriend needs to read this. Maybe she’ll stop calling me little & acting like I’m incapable of doing anything that takes strength. Thank you!
Did you know that “boi” is Dutch for “pie?” While I find this quite fitting, what gets me laughing are the dudes out there in the life and calling each other “bois” – and not knowing there’s a real word and what it means. I wonder if they’d shit a gold brick if they knew they were referring to themselves with a foreign word that means pie, which is man-slang for pussy? Hmm….
Love the story, by the way!
KDaddy23 recently posted..I Tried to Behave…