November 11, 2004
November 11, 2004 started as a normal day. I kissed my girlfriend before I left for work. Made the ten minute drive to work. It was normal.
Around 11am, I got an email from my girl. The subject line was Smile Baby, but there wasn’t anything to smile about. She was wanted by the law and she was leaving me to go into hiding. My heart was broken. I didn’t know such pain existed…
Then 12 hours later, my aunt called to tell me that my granddaddy had lost his battle with lung cancer and leukemia. He had passed on.
That’s when the real pain set in.
We buried him on November 16. Seven years ago today. The day before his 74th birthday.
I feel the pain of his absence everyday and this year… With Mama gone…
It was this time last year, we found out she was terminal. It’s like someone pulled a scab off an old wound.
How do you deal with this pain every year, knowing that this day is coming? Do you take a day for yourself and go off the grid for a few hours? Do you put on a brave face and go on like it’s any other day? These are powerful, painful memories, and I’m sure you know as well as I do that pain must be allowed to bleed out, even if it takes years. I’m still not over the death of my mother, and it’s been a couple of years, but what I’ve come to understand is that I shouldn’t be the woman I was before she died. How do you think these events have shaped you into who you are?
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I always remember and my granddaddy but with time, this time of year has gotten less sad for me. This year though, because I’ve got a new person to add to my miss list, it’s harder.
My girlfriend distracted me yesterday. Not sure if it was on purpose or not, but it helped a lot.
I am more secure in myself after my granddaddy’s death. I’m more sure about who I am and why I’m here. Now who I am after my mom’s death? It’s still a bit too soon for me to tell.
Alix recently posted..November 11, 2004
Wow! I can’t even begin to imagine what you are experience. Just know that tomorrow is a new day and you will be stronger than you were today.
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Thanks…
Alix recently posted..November 11, 2004
So sorry, stay strong.
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Always.
Alix recently posted..November 11, 2004
I get pretty bummed out on the anniversary of my brother’s death so, yeah, I know the feeling and it still doesn’t feel good… my heart goes out to you, Alix.
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Thanks, Rob…
Alix recently posted..November 11, 2004
*offers hugs*
I’m really sorry.
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*takes hugs*
Alix recently posted..November 11, 2004
What a difficult time of year for you. Novembers have always been tough for me, too.
I have just begun reading your blog (about 2 weeks ago) and I am thoroughly enjoying it! Thank you for sharing. It’s always great to find a wonderful new blog to read! Peace to you. ~Liz
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Mu prayers are with you. My mother is still with me, but I can only imagine the pain you are feeling!
There’s no pain like losing your parent.
Alix recently posted..November 11, 2004
I am sorry Alix and I understand your pain. You will experience moments where the pain is so numb and around this time of the year your pain will feel as fresh as when it first happened. However, we know that our loved ones are no longer suffering and they have groomed us to be strong independent Women.
I’m sorry to hear about this and I can’t even imagine how you’ve survived both ordeals. You are in my thoughts and prayers and for what it’s worth, we’re praying and pulling for you.
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Aww Alix! Losing loved ones isn’t easy and the pain is never cured. Remember happier times and try to smile whenever you can.
Wow, I’m sorry to hear this. All I can do is pray for you & your family!!
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Wow, I’m sure the annual reminder brings back twinges of pain of that day. I know because It’s been 10 yrs for me and I have to fight back tears still. I won’t tell you it will get easier although it is possible that it can and will. I’m glad that you have someone that understands and is there for you. You’re truly blessed to have had the time w/ those that you’ve lost and know too that if they touched your heart in life their spirit is still with you.