Stud Emasculation
I remember hearing a tale from a “boi” about how a certain female repeatedly did things that had always previously been her role. A simple example was opening doors…
If there had been any type of sexual attention there, it would have fizzled at the so called acts of emasculation the girl continued to execute.
Emasculation:
1. to castrate.
2. to deprive of strength or vigor; weaken.
3. deprived of or lacking strength or vigor; effeminate.
So we’ll ignore the first definition, but the other two… It’s possible, right?
I remember very early on in my dealings with my first, she asked me to do something simple in front of a bunch of other bois… By simple I mean, like to bring her something to drink or go inside and wait for her. Simple, but chauvinistic. I complied with a smile. Later, she asked me why I had so easily agreed because normally I would have given her hell… I shrugged and said I was trying to make her look good.
In my days of dating men, I don’t remember ever giving a damn about their so called “fragile” egos. I never dumbed myself down or swallowed my gut reaction to make them feel good. It was never a thought or a consideration.
As a woman that dates a woman, are we expected to make certain concessions?
What if I can carry all of the groceries in the house without your help? What if I can pin you down in a wrestling match? What if I am better with a drill than you? What if…?
And if I do play that role as the weaker one, the feminine, less aggressive one, what difference does it make if we both know that it’s not reality?
Is it ok that I wear the pants from time to time as long as I wear a skirt over it?
Thoughts?
This is a really fascinating idea. I haven’t really given it much thought in the past. Normally, I don’t believe in or understand acting coy to get male attention. I never understood girls who pretended to not know something or how to perform a particular skill. WHY?!
So, I imagine myself that – were I in a particular situation – I wouldn’t pretend. Baby-sitting someone’s Ego is a full time job. And if they need me to do that, then I need to leave. This is why it’s necessary to have a self-sufficient Ego! Ugh. So I would never pretend to be something or someone I’m not to preserve someone’s sense of Self.
Tatiana recently posted..Vulnerability and Social Media
as a boi, i do have things that i feel i must do. i don’t care that you can carry all the groceries, but leave the heaviest bag for me (even if it’s just that one). i don’t wrestle so most girls can pin me down. imma lover, not a fighter
. lol, the what ifs are gonna be there. let me pull out your chair. argue with me a lil bit before you pay the check. let me open doors. i think there has to be a balance. for me, it’s not that i don’t think yall can do stuff, it just makes me feel good that you let me do it.
For me, this is why i love and need the stud/femme dynamic. Yes, i can most definitely do all of the above and more without any assistance from anyone. The fact that my stud gf KNOWS i can…but still wants to take care of some of them for me just because it makes her feel good and is a small part of her feeling needed…i like that balance. The important thing is that she knows i CAN and WILL do it for myself. My independence is fiercely sexy to her. I dnt dumb myself down for anyone. Mentally, we will always be on level playing ground. But if she wants tp carry a heavy load for me cuz she doesn’t want me to exert the extra energy…psssh…go right ahead.
Chanel recently posted..When the IN fades…
Are the roles in the relationship defined? Or does it matter? Personally, I think we should be who we are; but within relationships, roles must be defined so that there is no confusion later.
Variety is the spice of life… Right? So this balance, I think it’s perfectly okay to be all that you are. I can imagine just like a man, a boi from time to time wants to be pampered and such. So do it. Sometimes we need a break from femininity just to remind ourselves that we are capable … So let us. I’m just saying. Too rigid of boundaries and roles can become suffocating. Now the “dumbing down” is never cute. It undermines self and makes one begin to have animosity towards who we are dumbing down for (even though they may never have asked us to do so.). Be who you are. It’s all about love in the end anyway… Right?
“As a woman that dates a woman, are we expected to make certain concessions?”
Absolutely. Although so many argue against labels and expectations, I believe quite often there IS an expected behavior from your partner. Is there a potential fluid-ness because you’re both women? Of course. But at the same time, there are roles and patterns that develop out of habit over time.
I believe that more “masculine” or “aggressive” women latch on to opening doors, carrying bags, etc as their way of being the protector. To have to do otherwise diminshes the roll they’ve produced in their mind and I believe it leaves an idea of “what is my purpose?” While on the other side, I find that more feminine women have it in their mind that their purpose and contribution is to ‘care for’ their woman… which is typically through cooking and cleaning.
Enigma recently posted..“…walk away from”
I can appreciate a woman with multifarious roles. It shows me some depth of her character. We as humans should never repress what comes naturally even if it isn’t deemed as normal in society, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else. Feminine and masculine aspects are encoded in all of us, so there’s nothing wrong with displaying a healthy balance of the two. ☺
I find that our roles flip flop and this works best for us in our relationship. I think we’re all masculine and feminine, soft and strong just at different times. I don’t like it when someone feels as though they can’t ever be one (or the other) because we’re born with both. I don’t care if you’re the most masculine person in the world, if you’re suffering from the flu, lay the fuck down and let me make you some soup. In the same way, I appreciate you getting the door or getting the groceries and letting me just walk on in and sit down, sweet gesture. Balance people, balance!
The Retro Natural recently posted..The Vacay and Ponderings
Forgive my saying this but I always assumed that you ladies still followed the masculine/feminine role that seems to define how we all interact with each other in relationships – is this really accurate? That I’ve seen this behavior when men are in a relationship kinda tends to bear this out; like, I can’t imagine, in the roles defined as being a top or a bottom, two tops or two bottoms having a meaningful relationship; in my observations – and I’ll beg your forgiveness again – in any “gay” relationship, someone has to be the “guy” and someone has to be the “gal” in this.
Or am I not looking at this correctly? I will confess that asking you about this is making me very nervous…
KDaddy23 recently posted..Mixed Messages?
I dont think this is true. I think that one of the benefits for me of being in a relationship with a woman is that we can slip and slide in and out of any defined roles.. sometimes i’ll get the door sometimes you can. sometimes i’ll plan the date.. sometimes you can.. sometimes i cook and serve you.. sometimes you do that for me… indeed.. I think that is the bonus. I know for some people this doesnt work, but for me I cant be in a situation where I gotta fake the funk on all that I am to make someone feel needed.
Spiderlgs recently posted..Beautiful