What not to say to a lesbian…
There is this little man that lives a few houses down from me. I’ve seen him a few times standing outside his house. He always makes an effort to flirt and I always politely decline without really explaining to him that I’ve got a girlfriend.
Last night, we got off the bus together. I hadn’t seen him even on the bus, but as soon as we stepped off, I cursed this coincidence. I slowed down in hopes that he would continue on his way, but it seemed as though he was slowing down too. He’s the kind of guy that wants to have a conversation every time he sees me and I had long since come to the conclusion that we didn’t have anything to talk about.
He introduces himself again for at least the third time. I still don’t know his name. Then he tells me that I don’t seem social. I confirm that I am extremely anti-social. He agrees but continues to chat me up.
So what was your childhood like? I’m taking psychology and I see something in you. Were you traumatized? How do you feel about men?
Yes. He went there.
Why must I have been neglected/abused/traumatized/hurt by a man in order to be gay? Y’all are cool, but penis is ugly and balls stink.
Seriously…
I told him he was wrong about his diagnosis of me and he still asked for my number so we could discuss this further…
They just don’t get it…
Seriously? He seriously went there? Seriously?
OMG – I think I’m gonna be sick.
I’ve noticed that only two types of men try to give the “I’m just trying to help you routine” – father figures, and men who are trying to sleep with you (or at least control you in some way).
Seriously, though…why does something have to be “wrong”?
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I should add that he is West Indian. You know how they feel about homosexuality on the islands…
and i shall be meeting you at the bus stop from this point on…
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Uh, what?? What? Motherf*cker what?
You were actually very kind to him, because I would have put that bastard on blast.
I confirm that I am extremely anti-social. He agrees but continues to chat me up. So what was your childhood like? I’m taking psychology and I see something in you. Were you traumatized? How do you feel about men?
And this: I told him he was wrong about his diagnosis of me and he still asked for my number so we discuss this further…
And you walking away from him, not directly engaging him, and blowing off his comments clearly did not register with his ignorant ass. CLEARLY. I guess he wanted to “rescue” you from your lifestyle. *rolls eyes*
*sigh* You should have put him on blast and then punched him the face. I hate men like that.
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Men like that either can’t, won’t, or don’t know how to take no for an answer. They’ve already thoroughly convinced themselves otherwise. Some women peep that weak ass game and are friendly and polite in their attempts to dissuade further pestering instead of being flat out rude like some can be, and all to avoid confrontation. I seriously want to know…what gives with these clowns? How are you gonna try to psycho analyze someone you don’t have clue one about, but yet can’t take a subtle hint? Ridiculous. Somebody lied and told these guys they were God’s gifts to every woman whether they agree or not. Crazy.
i get this all the time and its soo frustrating!! I actually had a guy tell me I was stunting my growth being gay..HUH?? really dude! I am so tired of the “youve been hurt by a man so this was your only option” or “you must have been abused as a child” It makes me SICK. Kudos for you for being nice about it, I would have cursed his trifling ass out!!
I am not crazy enough to curse a man out that lives 3 houses down from me. If he was just some random dude on the street, that’s one thing, but being that I have to pass by his house twice a day, pissing him off isn’t really the best idea.
Wow. I am just now catching up on my blog reading, and I’m sorry that I missed this the day that you posted it. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It must have felt horrible. The worst thing is, this kind of thinking can make people who are gay and were abused feel even more terrible. I think that, by and large, this kind of ignorance is born out of a lack of knowledge about the origins of sexuality, and the fact that many cultures don’t talk about sex at all in any real way, let alone sexual orientation and how it forms and changes over the course of the lifespan. Take comfort in the fact that everyone who is gay knows why she’s gay, and that we all share that understanding. The rest of the world will catch up, it will just take time. Remember, there was a time when sex education in schools was a ridiculous concept. We’ll get there (at least I hope so, because there are days when people ask me questions like “so what do you think? Is it a choice? Did you choose to be gay?” and I just want to lose it! I feel your pain, girl, I really do.)
In the meantime, you can give him a copy of Sex At Dawn, and ask him if he would choose to be Black (or West Indian) and experience a life of racism, prejudice, and strife if he was given the option of picking his race.
PLBND
GreyGirl
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It’s so interesting that people assume something bad had to occur in order for someone to be gay. A lot of straight people have been abused/traumatized so what does he say about that? Sorry you have to live so close to this dumb ass.
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That’s funny and sad. I’ve seen guys step to lesbians and they will invariably stick their feet in their mouth with some comment like the one you shared. When they do, I usually stand back a safe distance… because this is going to get very ugly, very fast. First the gurl – did I say that right? – politely says she has a girlfriend or she’s not into men… yet they persist, like, what, his dick is gonna make her change her mind about the choice she made in this? Fat chance! He keeps going… and she just loses it and in very loud, creative, imaginative and colorful style, tells him what she thinks of men, our dicks, and every other very disgusting thing about us.
I’ve heard some shit that was so bad, it made me ashamed to be man – and she wasn’t even talking to me. Bad enough to get read like that in public – but then the guy always tries to slink off while looking cool and saying something dumb like, “I didn’t want your stank ass anyway” or some other thing he thinks is gonna save him face… after girlfriend just ripped his off and stomped on it. How you can fake being cool after that is beyond me…
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