It’s raining today
It’s raining today. I’d like to believe the city is mirroring my mourning. Today marks a year since Mama passed. A year of holidays without her. A year of not hearing her voice, smelling her, embracing her.
The sadness doesn’t ease up. I miss her just as much today as I did a year ago. Only then I had hope that this feeling would pass. Now I know better.
If I could speak to her, I would ask her if she had any regrets about how she lead her life. Mama’s life wasn’t easy. She constantly sacrificed for those she cared about. I wonder if she would have taken back any of those sacrifices.
How much of yourself, of your goals, can you sacrifice before regret sets in? She gave up finishing school twice. I’ve lost track of the management opportunities. And I’m sure I don’t have any clue the numerous times she wanted to do something simple for herself and couldn’t because one of her loved ones was in need.
Last year, I remember how bad I felt even before I got the news. I left work early because I felt so off. I came home, had a nap and got the news a few minutes later. What I had been feeling all day multiplied. I realized that I had been feeling her slip away. She was a part of me that I can never get back…
i understand. i wondered the same things about my mom. all the times she sacrificed, all she did that I didn’t even have a clue about. sometimes, i wish i could go back and just say to her “do you!” because now I realize just how precious and short life is…
but maybe all the sacrifices were to make sure that you wouldn’t have to face the same circumstances, giving up things for herself to make life better for you…maybe that was her joy…her peace. maybe if she could do it all over again, it would be the same way.
there isn’t a day that goes by where i don’t miss my mom and sometimes it hurts like hell. what keeps me going is just remembering that I am here because she was. so i encourage you to be and do all you can, because you are here because your mom was and whatever it is that you think she missed out on, try to make sure you fulfill and honor her sacrifices by being all she hoped and knew you could be.
be encouraged
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