Despite how I reveal all of my personal business on this blog, I am by nature a very private person. I haven’t always been this way, it is a learned behavior.
I told my cousin something I felt was insignificant when I was a child. My cousin told her father, my great-uncle and my grandfather’s brother. He traced it back to me and I got a lecture that lasted at least a week about how you don’t tell people everything that happens under your roof.
It’s something I’ve carried with me over the years. Admittedly, this need for privacy and personal space has hindered the growth of what could’ve been very rewarding relationships. It’s something I’m working on and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I have to have a strong sense of security with someone to share myself. I don’t get that sense of security with most people. Actually, it’s very rare that I find it at all.
HBB used to complain to me all the time about how I should share more of my life with her. I found it very difficult to share my struggles with her, partly because our upbringings were so different, another part because it seemed the more I struggled, the more she succeeded. I haven’t finished writing the series where she is the star, but I will say this contributed to our break up.
She used to say to me all the time that when I kept things from her, or only revealed part of a story to her that when it came time to reveal all, it would seem like I was lying. I didn’t understand what she meant by that. As far as I was concerned, I was being me. The only me I knew how to be.
I wasn’t being sneaky. I wasn’t making a conscious effort to keep things from her. I just didn’t feel the need to share. That’s how simple it was for me.
She found it hard to trust me. I had too much going on. Too many of the same type of things happening. Too much drama. And all I was doing was living my life.
I didn’t handle things the way she thought I should. I didn’t react to things the way she thought I should. I wasn’t her and she couldn’t understand that.
I have lived my life trying desperately trying to understand whatever person I was involved with often faulting them because I could only view their actions through my own eyes.
I don’t want to do that anymore…
My point? I don’t understand SH’s actions anymore than the rest of you, but I have to let her do things her own way, otherwise, I’ll never get to know her as an individual. I can’t think she has ulterior motives because our choices are different…
I used to think that I was not the easily angered type. Since meeting SH, I am readjusting that theory.
I got mad again yesterday. I had a good reason though…
We were having some kind of random text conversation when she told me that her ex didn’t know we were together. My mind did a quick rewind to when she told me she had mentioned me to the ex and I realized that I had been a victim of semantics. Turns out this ex only knows that we’ve been conversing…Kinda sheds some different light on this whole myspace situation, right?
I let her have it through text. She said that the ex was going to “act like a bitch” when she told her and she was trying to avoid it. I know that SH doesn’t like to argue, so I can understand how she was thinking, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Besides, her ex will continue to act out because she has no boundaries. SH didn’t give her any. After a few sarcastic remarks and well laid guilt trips, I was through fussing. It took all of 15 minutes. And then I stopped being mad. lol, it seems damn near impossible for me to stay mad for too long.
In the past, I never remember getting mad this often. It seems like it’s always something. I don’t know if it’s because of the distance or my old(er) age. Possibly my expectations of her are different. Higher. So I’m constantly fussing when she doesn’t meet them.
I asked her if she felt like I was always giving her a hard time. She said she didn’t and that she appreciated my ability to tell her when something was bothering me. She loves the fact that I don’t stay mad long. She would, right?
She says she will tell her about us. At this point, I’m not even sure I want her to. With her moving back in this week, I know that is going to make their interactions more strained. There is a part of me that would prefer that she wait until the end of February, when the lease is up and they are no longer sharing an address.
She told me that her ex used to call one girl she was involved with. She said the ex called her 100 times in a day. How old are we? Do we still play games like that on the phone? I asked her why she hadn’t called me yet. She said that her ex isn’t around often enough to go through her phone like that. I don’t think that’s the reason. I don’t think the ex sees me as a threat. She has no reason to, right?
One night, while SH was telling me about her resuming her smoking habit. She started telling me that it was due to stress. What stress? I asked the question because I felt like she was living a leisurely life.
She tells me about how she hasn’t heard from her father since the summer. He’s a drug addict and often goes missing, but always turns up around the holidays. He hasn’t this time and she honestly doesn’t know if he’s dead or alive. Her mom divorced him when he was in rehab and SH was his primary source of emotional support. She’s a Daddy’s Girl and is absence from her life is driving her crazy. To make matters worse, her mom married her Dad’s best friend.
She tells me all of this on a drive from her cousin’s house to hers. Once she makes it home, she tells me about her child. Not a child she gave birth to, but a child she sees as her son. He’s 9 and acting out in school. She says he’s repeated the same grade twice already and is on the verge of being held back again. His biological mom is also an addict and she feels like he acts out because of his moms issues. She wants to become his legal guardian because she’s witnessed how much better he can do in her care, but she travels a lot working and doesn’t feel like she can give him that stable home life she knows he needs.
The kids mom rings her phone off the hook while we’re talking. Twice she gets off the phone to talk to her promising to call back. After some time passed, I got irritated because a really important conversation was interrupted. I wanted to get back to the sharing…After a few demanding texts, I thought I was being an ass. I sent her a text saying I didn’t want to add to her stress. Three minutes later, my phone rang.
It rang and I heard a high pitch voice say, “Get your ass back in the house…” The phone hung up. She called back again and I asked a stupid question, “Is everything ok?” Her ex was on her weekly visit and SH said she didn’t give a fuck. Her words, not mine.
I kinda touched on this night already. This is the night I knew for sure that things were done with her and that long term ex. She told me that night about the threats from the ex’s man. She told me that the ex wanted to move back in. She told me I was the only positive thing she had going on in her life and that I am what keeps her sane. She asked me not to doubt her, no matter what.
That night changed things for me. I felt a deeper connection to her. She shared something with me that I know was difficult for her to talk about. Then I felt that she chose me over her ex. It was a good feeling.
I am completely wrapped up in her. Like totally. I’m gone. Since you’re used to the text messages, here are a few of the ones we’ve exhanged:
We’ve talked a lot about the future. You’ve probably guessed that from the texts…I told her awhile ago that if things were good between us six months from now, that I’d move. Now that my feelings are more involved, six months seems like a really long time.
I know she’s used to acting fast. I’ve asked her if feeling like marriage would work so soon is normal. She said it wasn’t. She asked her ex after being together for 4 years and she wasn’t sure then, but for some reason, she’s sure about me.
I think we are both struggling with our emotions versus what we both know as reality. We haven’t spent any time together. We both know how easy it is to mess things up by rushing, but at the same time this feels like a different experience for both of us.
Since that initial blog I wrote about her where I was concerned about the traditional roles she was familiar with, she’s told me that she’d do anything I asked her to do around the house, including cooking and cleaning. Yipppee!
We had a conversation about being intimate. I kept telling her that I didn’t know what her rules were, since she wasn’t down for my 50/50. She said I couldn’t touch her at all. Like no touches below the waist. Huh? I told her that if I had known that from the beginning, I never would’ve talked to her. She seemed surprised by that. She told me then that I could do whatever. I told her no. I knew she wouldn’t be comfortable with me diving right in, but I appreciated her offer. I’ll sit back and wait until she tells me its ok.
Yesterday (see I have you up to date), she tells me that her ex is supposed to move back in this week. The girl has been paying half of the bills since she moved out, so to be honest, it really isn’t fair that she hasn’t been there the entire time. I don’t feel good about it, just because I feel like it may change the way she and I interact. I’ve lived with an ex while attempting to move forward into another relationship and it’s so hard. SH says the only reason she’s doing it is because she knows that SH is wrapped up in me.
Today, SH tells me that she’s transferring her job to be based out of Maryland or DC. I’ll explain…She’s an electrician, primarily working new construction. You know this work is seasonal and I suppose things are a little slow in the Richmond area. This means that if she transfers, she’ll be working out of town during the week. Doesn’t mean much to me because I’m not there, but it could make visiting a little complicated…
I told her not to worry about it after she told me that if I didn’t want her to do it, she wouldn’t. I tell her repeatedly that I’m completely committed to making us work. That doesn’t stop her from constantly asking me if I’m sure. I’ve started to ask her if she’s having second thoughts since she asks so much, but she’s concerned that once we meet, my feelings will change. She doesn’t understand that’s not what I do, that’s what’s usually done to me, lol…
SH asked that we be in a relationship via text. That’s our primary method of communication being that both of us hate the phone and she claims to be really shy…
We were having some kind of text convo and I believe she said something about wanting all of me. I replied back saying she could have me whenever she was ready, all she had to do was ask. The next text I got from her said, “Baby, can I have you?” Admittedly, it freaked me out. I hesitated before answering because my mind said it was too soon. My heart said to go for it. My heart won out.
A few days later, in another text conversation I was teasing her about having asked that we be together through a text message and I told her not to say she loved me for the first time in a text. She made a statement about how I was going to make her fall fast. I agreed with her. She then sent me a text saying, “I want to call and tell you something but I think its too soon…” I knew what she meant. I asked her if she was sure, she said she was. I was feeling the same way and I told her, but asked that she wait before saying anything.
I’m not sure what I was waiting on. Everything felt like it was on fast forward. Was I sure? Maybe I created this in my romantic Libra mind? Am I trippin?
The next day was Christmas Eve, when her ex went with her to visit her family. She sent me a text saying, “I’ve never felt like this before.” I still didn’t sleep most of that night. I felt ill. I was up creating all of these different scenarios. I wondered what our next conversation was going to be. I don’t need to rehash this, you read the blog, right?
I knew then that the feelings I thought I was having were real. I’m too cool about things to get worried about something for no reason. I knew that I was scared of not having her in my life. I knew that I didn’t want her to go another day without knowing how I felt about her.
Christmas Eve night I told her. It took me about 15 minutes to work up the nerve. And when I said it, she got up from her family card game and pretended not to hear me, so I would have to repeat it. She reciprocated.
When we talked New Year’s Eve, she kept repeating over and over again how she wished I was with her. Her sincerity was obvious to me because she was tipsy. I mean, more than tipsy. Liquor is such a truth serum. The next day, she tells me that she wanted me with her because she sees me as her future.
I had been taking a lot of what she said with a grain of salt. You know all about my new cynicism about people and their feelings. Combine that with all I knew about her past dating history and you get a doubting Alix. I believed her feelings to be sincere, but I doubted their longevity, just because I knew that she always moved fast.
We’ve had 2 issues so far. Both concerning exes. Yes, plural. It’s more than one.
The first issue was with the long term ex. SH called me while I was in the middle of my braidathon and I told her I would call her back. When I called her back, she sounded anxious. Uneasy. She said she was eating and would call me back. Two minutes later, I got a text from her saying that her ex was there starting shit and that she would call me when she left. Around 1am, I was still waiting on a phone call. I had convinced myself that they were laid up in the bed together and that I was done with her. That there was no excuse. Thirty minutes later, I got a text from her saying that she knew I was sleep, wishing me sweet dreams, and she loved me. I text her back that I was up, and that we would talk tomorrow. We went back and forth for an hour texting, her asking if I still wanted to be with her, me complaining that I felt as though she was keeping secrets.
She text me early the following day. I was still feeling very cold towards her. I sat outside when I called her, prepared to use some words I didn’t want my Grandma to hear come out of my mouth. We talked through it. Well, I talked through it, she listened and said it would never happen again. She explained to me then that her ex dropped by about once a week and she felt without recourse because the lease is in both of their names. That cleared up a lot for me.
The second issue is because of myspace. I like to go and visit her pictures and one day, I decided that it was time for her to change her status and kick her ex out of the number one spot. Now understand, I didn’t want to be in that spot, I just wanted her ex out of it. I sent her a message telling her of my request. A few days later she asked me about it. She said she’d do it.
I check her page later that day and I see a comment from some chick professing her undying love. I go through her comments. This is the first one from this chick. Her page was private. Since I was already snooping, I make a visit to her ex’s page and noticed the girl’s status had changed from in a relationship to single. Hmmm…
I wanted to sit on what I had seen. I wanted to wait to see if SH would mention it. I wanted to see if the comment would disappear. I wanted to see this damn girl’s page!
Instead, after a few hours had passed and I regained my sanity, I text her once again saying we needed to talk. I brought up the comment on the page. Before I could finish my sentence, she said she knew I was going to see it. It was yet another ex. I asked her then that if she knew I was going to see it and that it would make me mad, why didn’t she tell me about it instead of letting me find it? She didn’t have a good answer. She said she would delete it if I wanted, then said she would delete her entire page. She knew that the long term ex and that new ex were going to end up having some kind of war over her on her page.
And she was right, the following day there was another comment. Only this time SH called and warned me beforehand.
I’m trying to bring you up to date, but this is already too long, so I’ll continue this later…
I’m into astrology. I like reading horoscopes, though I don’t read them on a regular basis… I enjoy reading the profiles more and I often giggle at the similarities I see in myself and in other people. Usually when I start to get involved with someone new, I take the time to read their profile and I ask them about the things I’ve read to see if I can gain a deeper understanding of their motives and actions.
Just recently, I started reading about the Taurus. I waited longer to read about them than I normally do because I’ve had a few really good examples of them in my life and it almost felt pointless to read about them.
My mom and my sister share a May birthday. It drives me crazy because from time to time their birthday falls on Mother’s Day. And then there is my Mermaid, who also has an early May birthday. Actually it’s the day before SH’s if I’m not mistaken.
So what did I learn about the Bull? They are said to be:
How accurate is this?
I’ve written before about how SH spends a lot of time with her family. Her friends are her family. If she’s not working or at home, she is with her cousins, MW (Man Whore) and LA (Loud Ass). MW and LA are brother and sister.
MW has been married for a little over 2 years and has a 2 year old and a 4 month old. Despite being married, MW spends a lot of time in the streets whoring around. This was one of the first things I learned about him. I asked SH why he didn’t just leave his wife and she couldn’t answer me. She said he got married because his wife was pregnant, but she told him not to do it because his heart wasn’t there.
Well, New Year’s Eve, he told his wife he no longer wanted to be married. While I hate to see marriages ending, I don’t believe that anyone should stay in a marriage and cheat. It’s pointless. They stay for the kids, but the kids end up suffering anyway.
For about a week now, when SH and I get off the phone MW is still there. I’m not sure if he’s staying with her because of the separation or because SH has been threatened.
Yes, I said threatened. I’ve written before about how SH’s ex cheated with a man and got pregnant a few times. Well, the dude has been calling SH’s phone and threatening to kill her. Seems as though the ex has been stepping out on him and he’s assumed that she’s been revisiting SH. Why don’t people know that if people will cheat with you, they will cheat on you?
Anyway (there is a point to this blog, I promise!) Friday, the trio decide to go out. SH, MW and LA. Then MW finds out that one of his chicks doesn’t want to go out because she’s got male company and flips out. He decides he’s going over there. SH can’t let him go alone.
SH tells me that she thinks that MW left his wife for this girl which doesn’t make sense to me because she’s not his girlfriend. They obviously are not in a committed relationship. If they were committed she wouldn’t have male company and most definitely wouldn’t tell him about it.
SH stood by her cousin, kept an eye on the dude and suggested they leave when the guy came out with a gun.
Yall, I was nervous while all of this was going on. I couldn’t do anything. SH is all about family and completely stubborn. I knew that I couldn’t talk her out of the situation and I’m not sure I wanted to.
I listened to her reason with him. I listened to her support him.
This was one of those situations where I took advantage of an opportunity to observer her. I learned that her family is crazy and they support each other’s craziness. And at the end of the day, she’s rational enough to make the right decision.
Is it bad that I like the fact that she was ready to go to blows if she had to?
Every so often I get reminded by my readers why I started writing this blog. Today, Jessica reminded me. Jessica is a self proclaimed lurker, yet she took the time to write a long email to me, telling me how great I am. Well maybe she didn’t exactly say that…
Anyway, like I said, she reminded me why I write this blog. I write just as much for myself as I write for you guys and lately, I haven’t been writing at all. I’ve revealed a few of my reasons, but there is another reason that I haven’t written about.
As much as I’d like to say that I’m not influenced by the comments left on this blog, I do take every word that’s left here seriously. One of the wonderful things about blogging is that I do get very different viewpoints on a single subject. All of these viewpoints confuse the hell out of me!
I’ll admit that I’m stubborn, so I usually do what I want to do anyway, but sometimes I cringe when I think of what my readers are going to think about my actions…So I’ve been cringing a lot lately. Cringing and keeping my mouth shut.
It’s not fair to you though. That’s not why you all started reading my blog, so what do I have to reveal to you?
I’m in a relationship with a woman I’ve never met…
*cringing*
I know. I went missing again. Little sis kicked my laptop charger and it hasn’t been the same since. There is something about writing a post in the open with no privacy that makes me a little blog shy. After all, I tell you folks more of my business than I tell them.
I had a conversation with my bestie a few days ago. She’s the one I reach out too when I’m feeling a little crazy because she understands it without me having to give some long detailed explanation.
I summarized my last post for her and as I was talking, I realized that I was paranoid. Suspicious and paranoid. That is sooo not cute! While I agree that I should follow my gut, my gut is waiting for something to go wrong, so I think my gut-dar might be a little off.
What else is wrong with me? I no longer trust people to understand or evaluate their own emotions. SH will say one thing and as she’s speaking, I’m thinking that she doesn’t understand what she’s saying. Not that she’s being insincere, but that she’s confusing her own emotions. I am once again driving myself crazy. I feel like I’m over thinking things.
I can say this, I’m no longer concerned about something going on between her and the ex. I witnessed a conversation between the two that has completely calmed my mind. It was full of drama, lots of cursing, but after it was all over and done I had a better understanding of how things are between them.
I’m in a bit of a funk. I’m bored since I can’t be online all day. Job hunting is depressing. I end up with a headache about 9pm every single day. I’ve discovered that drinking milk gives me gas and excedrin makes me high…
Here I am! I finally finished braiding yesterday, so I can put my hands back to something I enjoy more…
I wish I had more to tell you, but I don’t. Things are pretty much the same today as they were last time I wrote. Yes, my life has finally calmed down.
I’m a little suspicious of SH and I’m not sure that it’s with reason. You know the saying about if something looks to good to be true it probably isn’t? Well, that’s how I feel right now.
She’s been very honest with me about her experiences with women. She’s been out since she was 14, so you can imagine she’s got some serious stories to tell. Not all of them were good and while I try not to hold her past against her, I do keep in mind that it shows what she’s capable of.
That’s really not fair to say, because I know I’ve been involved with multiple girls at a time. I never promised them anything though, never made plans for the future and didn’t lead them to believe they were more than what they were…
She promised me that she will see me in 2 weeks. We go back and forth about who will travel where.
I have mixed emotions about traveling there. Just because it seems as though things don’t work out very well when I travel to see someone, lol. At the same time, I kinda want to check out her scene to make sure it is how she says it is.
Why am I so suspicious? I wish I knew. It might be the ex girlfriend, though she hasn’t made any new appearances lately. Or maybe it’s the idea that someone who has never met me could be as into me as she says she is.
What do you think? How necessary is physical interaction?
I have been here now for 3 weeks…And I’m not crazy…yet…
I believe the relationship I have with my Mom is improving. She calls SH, my “friend” and though my “friend” seems to be genderless whenever she mentions her, I know that she knows. I believe it’s easier for her to handle that way.
My grandma is still in denial. There is often talk of my husband and babies. While I’m fine with the conversations about babies, the husband talk is too much. I need for her to realize that is never going to happen. I don’t need a husband to have a baby. I just need man juice! I can’t say that to my 73 year old grandma though. I don’t want to give her a heart attack.
My sister is funny. We’re more alike than I ever knew. It’s odd considering there is a 9 year age gap between us. We both kinda lived the life of an only child… She loves me though. Homophobic talk bothers her much more than it bothers me.
Yesterday was a bit of a wake up call for me. This is the first year in at least 5 years, that I haven’t cooked my own New Year’s Day dinner. While I’m happy to eat someone else’s cooking, there is nothing like eating something that’s prepared just the way you like it because it was made with your own hands.
So no, I’m not crazy yet, but I’m definitely on the path…
As a kid, I was notoriously messy. Clothes would be piled everywhere, dishes…I couldn’t keep track of anything. While I still won’t call myself neat, I know that I am more concerned about cleanliness than anyone else in this house.
The main bathroom is a good example. The counters are covered with different types of products, from shampoo to Monistat. These products are covered with dust. I can’t tell if anyone is even using these things…
And yet, my grandma complains about the dining room table being covered in mail. I want to tell her so bad that the dining room table is the least of her worries.
I’m grown. I’m reminded of that everyday, when someone turns the tv in the middle of a show I was watching. Or there are lights constantly being turned on around me because they think I can’t see what I’m doing in the dark…Why does watching tv require lights to be on? My biggest reminder is when I have to go outside to have a private phone conversation…
You can’t get better motivation than this!
I love women with a strong work ethic. Family must be important to them. They should be handy around the house. They should be able to fit in with any group and speak their minds about current events. They should have a neat, non-flashy appearance and good hygiene. They must be able to laugh at themselves…And if they come with a long lean body and locs, that’s a bonus!
There are a few traits that don’t matter to me. I don’t care about degrees and job titles. I don’t care about FICA scores. I don’t care if they are well traveled.
When you have an idea of what your perfect partner embodies, what traits are worth compromising?
See as much as I like SH there is something about her that bothers me. I worry if my family will accept her or even embarrass her…
SH and I were both lucky enough to grow up in a rural area. Rural meaning farm land. Rural meaning surrounded by family. I could look to my left and my right and see my grandfather’s brother and mother. And if I walked across the pasture I could find another of his brothers. SH’s family still lives within walking distance of each other…
The difference for me is that my rural upbringing put me in a school district I would have normally been priced out of. I received a really good education. My family stressed good grades…That might have something to do with grandma being a teacher… Anyway, an emphasis was placed on our speech.
We are country people that walk around correcting each other’s English. Double negatives are a no no. Slang is frowned upon. Subjects and verbs must agree…And I have an aunt that is an English teacher.
You will hear us repeat back statements that are examples of improper English. For example, I used the word good instead of well the other day and my aunt corrected me.
SH talks like she is still on a farm. Ok, so maybe I’m exaggerating, but I can say that she’s not going to care if I subsitute good for well. I actually don’t think she’d know when one is supposed to be used over another…
This isn’t the first person I’ve dated that has had some grammar issues, but I think it’s highlighted a little more since we live in the age of text messaging and email. I’ve dated men and women that didn’t know when to use won’t or want; know or no; to or too.
It bothers me, but I don’t know how much yet. Am I being a snob? Is there any trait you see your perfect partner having that you won’t compromise?
I know. I’ve been missing, but it’s not my fault.
If you don’t know, I have a sister. She’s 21. She refuses to comb her hair. She’s got a head full of thick shoulder length hair and would rather keep it braided than comb it. Being the wonderful big older sister that I am, I offered to put micros in. It took me 3 days and 24 hours. Her head is bigger than a basketball and I’m convinced that she has 3 times as much hair as any monkey. I finished her hair on Sunday…And that’s the same day the charger on my laptop bent…
My mom loved my sister’s hair so much she wanted me to do hers. We spent 3 hours looking for the right hair. My mom always says that she lost all of her hair thickness when she gave birth to us. So she has less hair and a small head. I started on Tuesday, but I’m not even halfway through braiding… Her lack of thickness means more braids to give her fullness on top of the fact that I’ve only been able to braid in 4-5 hour intervals. I want this to be over…
I mentioned my bent laptop charger. I decided to rewire it. Between the braiding, sleeping and spending about 4 hours during the day on the phone with SH, I didn’t get much time to work with it until today. I’m such a good lesbian, I got it working. Those of you that sent me emails, you should have responses waiting in your inboxes or on your twitters…
I spent New Year’s at home with my mom and her boyfriend. I had a little bit to drink and was in bed by 1:30am. SH called about 2:30am (after our midnight phone call) and was completely tore up, lol. She kept repeating how much she misses me and how she wishes I was there with her. She’s super sweet.
I’ll have a real post for you tomorrow, hopefully…
I miss yall
TLL sent her to me. Now I hear from her daily, her blog comments are usually followed up with an email, where admittedly, she gets a few details that I often forget to include while I’m writing. She’s in a rather unique situation, but I’ll let her explain all of that to you. Sipoftea writes a blog, Coughing Up Cake, where she gives you an inside view of a life most people can’t even imagine. I’ve been trying to get her to write something as a guest blogger here for awhile. She’s been a little stubborn, but finally she introduces herself to us…
Picture this. I’m a less than 25 year old, headscarf wearing half Muslim, wholly lesbian gal living in Africa with 1 husband of 5 years, 1 wife, 1 girlfriend, 2 kids, 1 driver, 2 maids, 4 active cell phones, 1 cook, 2 errand boys, 3 security guards and I still don’t think my life is very interesting. Honestly.
So maybe my days are a little interesting. I haven’t even started on how I got duped into letting my husband marry another woman and how I’m virtually trapped in this country and finding it almost impossible to divorce this man, though not for lack of trying. Or how socializing is practically a sport for which I should have a Blackberry ( I settled for a Nokia smart phone). Seriously. For a semi- introvert like me it’s hell. Anytime anyone I know (or their family member) marries, gives birth, breaks a toe, gets a mosquito bite, a ten times over distant family member dies, has a cough, or it rains too hard on their porch, I’m socially obliged to give money and/or a gift and either call, visit, or text. 9 to 10 I text even if they live five minutes away.
In the midst of it all I’ve fallen in love with Kay. She’s an incredible African woman who is an intelligent, independent, Bachelor degree holding, ambitious and dare I say strong lesbian with the kindest, most compassionate heart I’ve ever encountered. Not to mention sexy as hell. Sometimes I feel I’ve complicated her life unnecessarily by answering her casual message on a non dating site profile I posted. I let her know my circumstances up front, but neither of us anticipated falling in love like this. Still she’s determined to be with me, and has been amazingly strong throughout all of this. I will forever love and admire her for that. She also has to contend with a country in which being homosexual is illegal and punishable, and strong family ties and the expectations that come with that plus tradition thrown in, I have mad admiration and respect for her strength. We click, ebb and flow like nothing else I’ve encountered, and I love her more than I know how to.
Needless to say, it’s shaken things up. I’m trying to phase my way out of this marriage as amicably as possible. With my kids and Kay hopefully in tow.
I’ll let you know when I’m free at last and what happens along the way.
Thanks Sip for sharing! If you haven’t already visited her blog, it’s time to see what’s so wonderful about Coughing Up Cake!