The year I turned 40, I bought a house, I started a new relationship, and the doctor told me I had high blood pressure. 

I’m 4 foot 10 and ¾. I weigh around 105 pounds. 

It’s been a little over a year and a half since my initial diagnosis. I’ve tried around 5 different medications and, honestly, I’m over it. 

My primary doctor has sent me to see a cardiologist. Their conclusion is that my blood pressure is hereditary, and I’m sensitive to medication. 

My sensitivity has displayed itself in the nausea, fatigue, dizziness, insomnia and headaches that I’ve experienced since starting on these meds. Simply put, these meds made me feel like shit and I don’t like it. 

I never imagined a world where I would wake up and rely on some man made chemicals to ensure my health. I never imagined spending hundreds of dollars a month on doctor’s visits and medications. I never imagined having to say no to doing things I really want to do because I just don’t feel well enough to do them. 

When I tell people I have high blood pressure, I get “oh, you’re so small” “oh, that’s your diet” “oh how old are you?” “you need to be more active.” 

When you feel bad a lot, it’s easy to slip into depression. Your life just isn’t wan you want it to be, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Your medication can keep you stable, but they don’t make you feel normal. All medication comes with side effects, it’s just a matter of finding a side effect that you’re able to handle. You compromise not having this life threatening condition for something that’s inconvenient, like constipation or hives, that you typically have to take another medication to manage. 

It’s a sucky way to live your life. I realize that I haven’t been dealing with this for long and while I’m battling “the silent killer,” I know people that are dealing with tougher conditions that prevent them from living regular lives. Just me getting up in the morning and driving myself to work is a privilege some folks don’t have, and for that I’m blessed. 

So check on your sick friend. Give them some of the normalcy that friendship can bring. You might be the only normal part of their life.