How many of us have them?

I’m knee deep in wedding planning. We booked the venue the same week my wedding dress arrived. It’s not THE dress thanks to an error with the store, but I digress…

While working on the guest list, I had to really think about who I wanted around me on our special day. Bae and I both have a lot of family, and we know that our marriage won’t please them all, so we left most of them off the guest list. Even if they all approved, inviting them all would at least triple our guest list. Since we’re not those people that have parents to pay for our wedding, that’s a strong no.

I feel a little sad because my mom won’t physically be there to walk me down the aisle. I know her presence will be felt there, and we have tributes planned for her and Bae’s dad. We will also ask for donations to a charity that serves those impacted by cancer in lieu of gifts.

There’s another person I can’t help but to think of right now. I had a friend that has been around since high school, and we fell out right around the time I started dating Bae. I asked her about meeting her after a few months, and she said she wasn’t ready because she befriended the last girl I dated and that fell apart.

For the record, the girl I dated was long distance, and around for around a month and a half, I think. I didn’t tell my former friend to go and add the girl on all her social media. Who does that?

Things fell apart for me when she said that I go missing whenever I start dating someone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I think I’m equally unavailable whether I’m involved with someone or not. I’m an introvert, and the person I enjoy being around the most is myself.

Anyway, I miss her a bit. I’m not that girl that pictured her wedding day when she was a kid. Right now, I still can’t picture what my wedding day is going to look like. I just didn’t even think she wouldn’t be part of it.

I do miss her. I think I’ll even miss her on the day. I don’t miss her enough to reach out to her to work through our issues. In the end, I don’t think she’s capable of being the kind of friend I need.

Isn’t it weird that you miss people that aren’t good for you?